Thursday, December 31, 2009

it's a wrap!

i cant believe im writing my last non-sense post for 2009.

im really happy 2009 is over - this year was tough though im sure that what i went through is pretty much just shit compared to those hit by all the natural calamities, what i experienced this year was almost more than i can take - emotionally. one day i was like - "oh, psycho ward, here i come!"

i hope i didnt scare you.

im so happy im not in high school too! im sure teachers will be asking them "what is your new years resolution? essay! 400 words!"

i only wish everyone has the same new years resolution which is to go green!

2010! lets do this!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

new bills

i still have 4 more presents to give away. 3 of my godchildren didnt show up - this year that im most prepared. i actually went shopping and wrap the gifts myself. see, i learned that children, well, most of them want toys for christmas, some of them dont even want to take the money but gets so excited when handed a present.

dont you want to be a kid again - specially this time of the year!? - puro ka patanggap, you dont have to worry about giving. you can go caroling on the same houses EVERYDAY and only know one song!

childrens party ang christmas. birthday party ni jesus. i cant imagine christmas with out kids singing and running around, playing with their new toys, counting their crisp 20's. im blessed to be surrounded with cousins i cant even count, 12 godchildren and of course my kids.

having all of them around is crazy! you know kids are funny even if they're not trying. that's another reason why i love the holidays, no school and the children are around to annoy me - haha! or the other way around. example:

i asked my 6year old cousin what does he want for christmas since im his ninang too, "remote control" he quipped. i knew he was talking about a remote control car but i wrapped our remote control for the tv instead. - what? you didnt say "car".

Sunday, December 20, 2009

be nice

im traumatized by how heavy the traffic is, anywhere.

go christmas shopping on september next year!

Friday, December 11, 2009

happy = ...

6 months ago my best friend rose was going over and over about this guy shes seeing. i had to meet him to make sure hes not another jerk who'll hurt her again. i planned a dinner for the 4 of us, me, the happy couple and emmy,our gay best friend.

hes a hunk! broad shoulders, taller than i am, moreno, has a very charming smile and liked my cooking - so i liked him. which was new because i never really liked anyone that she dated. haha!:)

but all that emmy said was - "ewan ko,parang malansa.." as if we're judging a fish.

at times that they'd come over, me and the 'guy' ends up talking more than me and my best friends. hes very refreshing, not like another guys where the topic is very limited. well, there are so many reasons why he seems to be very at ease with girls and gays. well, 1) hes open-minded 2) he has a lot of sisters 3) hes been in a lot of relationships 4) hes just trying very hard to please us OR 5)hes gay - which i easily disregarded because hes just not, i dont see it.

BUT one day, not after a fight, nothing went wrong - he just decided to break it off with her and the next thing she knew hes with someone else. not a mistress, more like a mister!

i was wrong, the only guy i liked for my best friend is gay. the guy that made her happy again after so many bad relationships left her for a man. shocked of him coming out of the closet like that i am also surprised with my friends reaction. she said that for a long time she was bitter, imagining her man with another woman, thinking of the reasons on why he suddenly left her, thinking what she did wrong but when she heard the news that he was gay, she was relieved and felt like she love him more.

to you: i remember that i told you about this thing that i do. maybe, one of these days you'll read this. i would like to say that im happy that you decided to let the real you shine through. im still your friend and we love you!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

tik.. tok.. tik.. tok..

1. Disengage.
This also applies to transformers and voltage regulators. When left plugged or on standby, your home appliances are still using energy – and that’s energy you pay for that benefits no one. Hitting that power button and unplugging your appliances when not in use saves you roughly P2300 a year.

2. Whip out the clothesline.
Forego the clothes dryer and hang your laundry out in the sun to dry instead. Clothes dryers average 1,600 watts of energy per hour, so if you wash and dry your clothes every two weeks, that computes to around P120 slashed off your monthly electric bill.

3. Eat everything on your plate.
Or at least just take, cook or buy only as much food as you can finish. Uneaten food that goes straight to the garbage adds to the trash you produce, and when you reduce food waste you automatically decrease your carbon emissions.

4. Check your tire pressure constantly.
Optimal tire pressure helps your car burn fuel more efficiently. If you own a car and are looking to get more mileage from your vehicle, keeping your tires inflated right hits two birds with one stone – it reduces your carbon emissions while giving you more value for money.

5. Keep a close watch on your air filter.
Score another one for the motorists: replacing or cleaning out your air filters also helps your use your fuel more efficiently. You can have this done along with your tire pressure adjustments whenever you have your oil changed.

6. Better yet, travel on two wheels, or on your own two feet.
Walking or biking beats a fuel efficient vehicle every time. Because neither mode of transport requires the burning of fossil fuels, choosing the heel over the steering wheel is the best way to cut back on carbon while still getting to your destination.

7. The matter of meat.
Most Pinoys love eating meat so much that it’s a non-negotiable, even when it comes to climate advocacy. However, the slightest reduction in meat consumption can still impact your total carbon emission, so for every week, make at least 3 to 5 meals meat-less. Remember, a little effort goes a long way!

8. Spare the pulp.
Rain-forests are Mother Nature’s very own carbon dioxide regulating systems. Without their gallant stewardship, we wouldn’t be here today! We need to keep them alive and flourishing if we want to stay in the game. So be it tissue, a note pad, office documents, paper coffee cups, or store paper bags, think twice – there is always an alternative to paper!

9. Lighten up.
You’ve probably deduced by now that the more fuel or energy efficient you are, the less carbon dioxide emissions you make. The same rule stands for lighting – fluorescent bulbs trump incandescent bulbs every time, which is win-win for everyone since it’s both carbon and cost efficient.

10. Shop wisely.
On your grocery or mall run, bring a sizable canvas tote and stash everything you buy inside. This saves you and the businesses you support on plastic bags. This habit not only reduces your waste but also lessens the need for production of problematic plastic.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle.-

-But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
-Marilyn Monroe

i really should be doing this on twitter. :(

Sunday, December 6, 2009

"it's only after you've lost everything, that you're free to do anything."

goodnight world!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

received at the right time

text message:

consider this:

if you have food, clothes and a home, you are richer than 75% of the world.

if you have money in the bank, you are among the top 8 of the worlds wealthy.

if you woke up healthy this morning, you are more blessed than the million out there who will not survive this week.

if you experienced peace and freedom, you are ahead of 500million people in the world.

and if you can read this, you are more blessed than over 2billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

wont you thank god for what you have?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

its my cousins birthday today.

over dinner,we were planning on what to prepare for him when he suddenly said - "i dont want to turn 6, i want to be 5 forever!"

how many kids who are only turning six could've thought of that? seriously.

Monday, November 9, 2009

breaking up!

- which is the situation that im not in.

i know its bad but i get excited when people are breaking up. well not excited-happy about it but excited to see whats really going to happen.

maybe im just jealous of the feeling, 'cause i was never in that position. maybe im jealous that you can be miserable for a while 'cause someone decided to leave you and people totally understood you. maybe im jealous because when you are in that phase everyone worries, friends watch what they are saying because it might hurt you-because you are so damn fragile. maybe, but im pretty sure im wrong! haha!

well, having alot of friends who were broken up with, was cheated on, who broke up and got back together, who broke up but remained friends, who broke up and cannot be friends. i can tell you that its more than that break up movie "one more chance".

here are things that i've noticed:

you dont want to be friends with an eX specially when you have common friends. you dont want to deal with that. siguradong pulutan kayo pag talikod nyo. friends will always compare whose present is hotter, they will bet on who will break up first plus you are putting your present in a very bad and embarrassing position. she or he will always feel judged.

end a relationship as soon as violence starts. he will hit you again!

no one ever forget infidelity. yourself and being together will be the constant reminder of what the other did. you can forgive but you will never forget how you were played. this i know for sure, that once you know that your partner cheated on you, you can never love the other the same way. it lessens everything. love, respect and trust.

those who seek for advice never listen. so next counseling session you can tell him "i told you so".

girls that are easy to get will be easy to loose. hope that she'll be easy to forget. advice: kaya tiyagain mo 'yung mga pakipot at yung mga nagpapaligaw sa bahay. pick a girl who knows herself. yung ginagalang muna ang sarili nya. yung legal na mag boyfriend.

courting is just a phase. he will treat you differently when you become his girl, more differently when you are counting years into the relationship and hopefully not terribly when you're his wife. courting is his chance to make a good impression, to show you his good side ( but what about the other side?) - so dont expect that he'd be bringing you flowers just because he felt like it when courting is over!

have a break. give yourself more time before you barge into another relationship. absorb then heal. a broken heart doesnt love more. you'll only end up hurting the rebound person.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Monday, October 26, 2009

you might just get it

saw a girl today, teenage, high school, in her uniform but with hair put up in a messy bun, like you do to your hair when you just woke up, complete make-up and stilettos. i dont know if shes going to school or to an early halloween party dressed as a kinky student.

generation what? i dont even want to get there. kids nowadays start early.

they want to smoke and drink,they fall in love at 12 and think no one understands them, they withdraw and think that their shit head friends are the only ones who love them. how emo!?

they dont get it. there is nothing fun in being an A-dult. well there are some but ask them, they'd prefer to be you! young and full of chances to make it right. no bills to pay, no boring ass job. bet they'd kill to be students again. well physically, the reasons are pretty obvious. when you become an A-dult. you're going to pay to get your boobs back up, wrinkles erased and beer belly tucked or just live with it. i told you its sad. kaya nga may mga isip-bata e, they never want to leave that stage - ; )

im 21 and in control of my life. i love the freedom! but i swear there are times that i just want to hand my life back to my mother.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Friday, October 16, 2009

what is wrong with you!?

naasar lang ako manood ng balita. lalo na during and after ondoy.

kanina pinapakita nila ang kalagayan ng mga tao sa mga evacuation centers. nakakalungkot. mga bata at matandang naghihintay na lang ng dadating na relief, natutulog sa sahig ng covered court na hindi na talaga mahulugan ng karayom. nakakaawa, sila pang mga walang ibang kamag-anak at kaibigan na matutuluyan pansamantala, sila pa na walang pera para rumenta ng kwarto o mag-hotel ang biniktima.

hindi sa pagmamaliki na mabait ako o maawain pero kahit no aglalaway na kong kumain ng cheeseburger, hindi ko magawa. naiisip ko ung ibang hindi kumakain, ung hindi naabot ng relief. ang hirap manood lang ng balita, panoorin yung mga nahihirapan na kahit alam mong nagbigay ka, hindi pa rin yun sapat.

may mga reporters nagbabalita na sa lugar na kinalalagyan nila, hindi daw naabot ng tulong. hello! ate! anong ginagawa mo dyan!? sana nung pagpunta mo dyan may dala ka man lang kahit 20 bags ng relief goods na ipinagmamalaki ng network ninyo?! instead of asking these poor people how they feel which is the stupedest question you can ask to a calamity stricken family who sleep on their roofs and havent eaten for more than a day.. why not ask them what they need or what you can do to help.

may mga evactuation centers na nag seset-up pa ng tents, para daw magkaroon ng privacy ung mga mag-asawa. like what the f***! sinong henyo ang nakaisip nun!? bakit hindi natin ilaan yang mga special tents na yan sa mga matatanda na hindi kayang tiisin ang sobrang init at ingay. sa mga sanggol at bata na kailangan makatulog ng maayos. sa mga may sakit. ang kapal din ng mga mukha ng mga magasawang magsesex pa sa mga evacuation tents. nasa mood pa sila?

nagbigay tayo ng tulong na nakalagay sa plastic bag - na pinaka mababaw na dahilan kung bakit nagbabaha. ironic.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Monday, October 5, 2009

talking in circles

did you know that i didnt talk to my father for years? dont? ..why didn't i tell you that?

it wasnt easy even if he is far. but i gave up and greeted him for fathers day this year. he cried.

did you ever had that time, that moment when you really want to say something but you are waiting for something. a sign? right time, place or even just a chance to actually say it.. (?)

in my fathers case i waited to be a parent. anytime is the perfect time to forgive but no - i made it hard for him and harder for my self. i will hold my phone for hours, staring at it but never dial a number. i would practice what to say and imagine what will he say back. i wrote letters but never end up sending them.

but that day when i finally had the courage to call and speak up, i didnt have to. i was instantly forgiven. i didnt have to apologize. my "hello" was enough.

but today was worst. about 2seconds before i say something to my husband - he fell asleep. and i was not going to ask for money or anything. what im about to say was good.

lesson learned : im telling you! dont wait 8 years and dont wait for a sign either. say it! specially when its i love you, sorry and thank you.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

ill make my 50th post even more sensible..

- im thinking of moving to tumblr. what do you think? if i could just convince everybody to move with me! :) like i did when all of them ditched friendster and signed up for facebook. i think tumblr suits me more because im lazy.

- a korean video top the MYX hit chart. i dont understand a thing they are saying but they are delightful to watch.

- why didn't i use the word hiatus when i was gone? i didnt make a post about it and say when ill be back. trivia: 3 of the blogs i visit used the word hiatus. they all have this post titled "hiatus". i dont know, they all just decided to go on a vacation around the same time. weird.

- typhoons must love the Philippines. they love it.

- im a twitter stalker. i get giddy whenever i read demi and ashton tweets. especially this one:

"Happy anniversary @mrskutcher I'm not sure why we keep track of years in relation 2 an infinite love. But tradition wins 2day."

Sunday, September 20, 2009

does that really happen?

you're so in love.
you marry.
you live together.
you discover that life is hard.
you have kids.
life gets difficult.
work hard.
cant talk.
spend less time together.
fight often.
dont want to talk.
you fall out of love.
you wait.
you hurt.
you think.
you leave.

ang pagmamahal naging takot, sa katagalan nagiging awa, at pag nagtagal pa lalo nagiging galit.

i've seen couples separate. married people divorce. they grow apart, they sometimes discover things about their partner that they can never live with. some find excuses. some simply just cant commit. theres violence and infidelity that you become blind to when you are madly in love.

if everything that start must end .. does that include love?

Friday, September 18, 2009

go kanye! go home..

heard kanye west just interrupted patrick swayzes funeral to tell everybody that michael jacksons was better..

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

bye johnny..

"If I leave this Earth, I want to leave this Earth just knowing I've tried to give something back and tried to do something worthwhile with myself."

-Patrick Swayze

Monday, September 14, 2009

yellow submarine

filipinos really need to make this 2010 election count..

noynoy aquino is a senator - who stood up for what? aside from being the only son of heroes ninoy and cory - what do we know about him?

i know alot of people love kris but - come on!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

tell them

dear ellesig,

you are ignoring me for quite awhile and i cant stand it.

you are a very bad owner.

i know the weather is making you lazier than you already are but you have to update me or else ill tell them that..

ill tell them that you got braces and i think you are too old for them.. haha!

ill tell them that you've been doing stupid stuffs such as sleeping so early and waking up at around 1am, blowing up your home theater system, watching the same movie 3 times in a row (1. watch it. 2. subtitle on. 3. commentary on.). like who does that!?!

i know you are as boring as ever but you're gonna have to share, no matter how boring because you know they are used to it and they love you anyway. :')

jealous of your facebook,
your blog!

Monday, June 8, 2009

fiesta sa tanauan

in a town fiesta..

theres always..

food and drinks..

parading queens..

fund raising drag queens..

and victims..

Thursday, May 21, 2009


blogorrhea - (noun) to write a blog entry for the sake of posting something since you haven't done anything interesting lately.

use it in a sentence!

Friday, May 15, 2009

me lately

im not in the mood to sleep. ive been putting my eyes to work. none of the things i did bore me enough to lull me to sleep.

this is technically my may 1st in the blogging world. whatever.. you understand what im trying to say.

vacation is so over.

so heres me lately..

i saw one of the dancers in wowowee at the grocery store a week ago. shes cute and short and got multicolored hair.
im becoming this savvy grocery shopper ; its funny. its a great alternative for shopping because you are not actually shopping but still shopping. :)

can i ask you something?
where did summer go? why is sun all moody and stuff?

i signed up for twitter and followed all this cool people. rob thomas, nicole richie, miley cyrus, chris brown and the kardashians. im not even sure if its really them but what the hell. i thought they hated stalkers? twitter and plurk are so stalker friendly. so i was reading what all of them is twitting about hoping to see rihannas twitter in chris browns account and suddenly -- guess who is on twitter? -- barrack obama! and that was it.. after almost an hour of sheer shock or sometimes delight on finding out who uses this service, i deleted my twitter account.

i still watch grey's anatomy and often wonder why i didnt want to be a doctor as a kid. doctors are so cool! i wanted to be a pilot - in case you're asking.

and i almost forgot, happy mothers day to all the moms out there. everyday should be mothers day! what did you all got for your moms? wonder what manny pacquiao got for his mother?

my lolo turned 89! 89! eighty nine!

we call him 'mamay'. he smokes and drinks. sino bang batanggenyo ang hindi bumabarik! namimitas pa yan ng chico at nagbabalag ng patani. siya rin ang pinaka magaling magluto ng kapeng barako! at hanggang ngayong sweet na sweet parin sila ni lola!

grabe, 89!

dadating din tayo jan 69 years pa. :)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

excuse letter

dear you,

sorry if my blog totally lived up to its description.

last week has been tough.

i was so good at hiding my emotions. i can still smile when im mad and laugh when im annoyed. i can always cry later,when no one is around. im often calm and collected but shattered inside.

ino was our clown. i still cant believe hes gone and im talking about him in past tense.
things would have been easier to accept if it was gods will for him to go. after a year of not hearing from friends the last news you would want to know is that one of them committed suicide. its always like "james got a tattoo" or some couple broke up and somebody got a car but never about death.

we were all too late. maybe he felt hopeless and forgotten. he must have been tired. he must have been so sad and we weren't there.

praying for his soul leaves me in a daze. i cry when im reminded of him. i constantly shake my head, never wanting to believe. im mad, im upset, im sad and i cant hide it.

i dont know if its bravery to face death or fear of living. so many people are fighting for their lives,battling sickness and shit and others just want to end it.
some thinks of jumping from a bridge or slitting their wrists when just the thought of dying scares me already.

but then its good to be scared, "it means you still got something to lose"

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

avelino 'yno' reyes jr.
may 12 1989 - april 8 2009

malamang walang alak diyan..

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

shes up..

have you heard of the saying "strike while the iron is hot"?

its not related to this. :)

after weeks of not blogging i feel like i have lost my touch - if i ever had it with this.

about this <<, someone told me to just try and turn it on, not hoping for anything because the last time i did, the speakers almost blew up. so i did and its there .. as if nothing happened. the letter m is not really working and some letters just appear without me touching them. creepy. but other than that its fine.

i wasn't so happy -- all i said was what now!?

so.. what did i miss?

Monday, March 30, 2009

"whats the use of being a genius if you cant use it as reason for being unemployed"

and i was like..

"i know right.."

Monday, March 23, 2009

update update

my laptop got so drunk.
i dont know when she'll wake up. :(

ill take her to gilmore. (or greenhills, i dont know, wherever is cheaper.)
we'll be gilmore girls. :)

now im back with desktop. which i so much cooler for writing. haha!

at times when i want to blog but i cant:

i paint my nails black.

watch nickelodeon.

sleep in the playpen with my daughter.

think of selling some of my things.
na parang adik.
ipod. shoes. perfumes.
ill make another post about that.

volunteered to make loot bags for my cousins 1st birthday.
suggestions on what to put in them are very welcome.

imagine flicking cigarettes.
im not even trying to smoke now that im super bored.
im so proud of myself.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

no use crying over spilled milk

pero kung sa laptop mo natapon, sige iyak ka lang.

i know, stupid me.

dinala ko nga sa 2 sony centers, (trinoma and quezon ave.) they wouldnt even touch the poor thing. hindi daw kasi dito binili. siguro greenhills na lang pagasa ko.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

baloy beach - subic

1 am

: pabili ng redbull sa stopover..
: bakit ka iinom ng redbull?
: hindi pa ko natutulog e, ayaw ko matulog sa byahe..
: dapat blade saka calamansi ipabili mo..

my poor attempts to be like dong ho and chico garcia with a 6mp camera. :)

what do you see?

jessica, jm, cj, kyle and gabby! the time stamps are wrong. i dont know how to hide it.

the sand is obviously not white pero ayos na para sa mga sabik sa dagat. :)

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

who man-s!?

i should plurk? for brighter days..

but please not hotter days!

i feel like jumping into a pool of iced water.

it amazes me how you can be perfectly still and still sweat. --then you are too lazy to stand up and get a drink 'cause you'll sweat even more and you'll end up dehydrated.

and irritated.

and the last thing you want to hear is..

"oh, cool ka lang!"

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


kaya pala kadalasan march ang mga graduation. --nye..!

impyerno nanaman dito sa pinas.

mababawasan ang intake ng kape.

mas madalas maliligo! -- ang pagligo nung mga nakaraang buwan ay pagsubok. --aminin.

at dahil bakasyon na mas marami na kong maaayang maglagalag dahil wala na silang mga pasok -- problema lang e, wala rin silang mga pera.

Monday, February 9, 2009

random facts about me -- who cares!?!

for the spirit of gayahan!

honestly, every blog i read lately has this. sometimes 10 things you should know about me. 7 random facts about me, 9, 15? 2? 4 would be nice. superbianca gave out 25.

my favorite number is 8 (so i will let you know 8 things about me, i have 7 more) because you can draw a cat from it! just add eyes, ears and a tail.

this is hard! haha! im not enjoying! haha! you cant really say that "hey! im a loser!" or "i can do alot of ripley's believe it or not shit" unless you want to freak people out with your bluntness.

i play the guitar.

when i was young, playmates refer to me as lavinia. the mean girl from the cartoon/tv series/movie princess sarah. so that makes them the princess sarah! haha! i dont get why those ugly, stupid girls said that!? i was dead nice to them! :P

i cant eat anything with calamansi in it.

im a rusher! i love chico and delle!

i cut classes in high school. just on math, i don't understand a thing so why waste time sitting there. i wasted time sitting in the cafeteria instead.

im an only daughter -- of a broken couple.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

saranggola sa ulan - gary granada

Naririnig ko pa, ang bawat hagikhik ng una kong sinta at kalarong paslit
At ang sabi ng matatanda, siya ay maalwan ako’y dukha
Di raw kami bagay at kayraming dahilan, ngunit si bakekang ay walang pakialam
Sa aming kamusmusan kayraming palaisipan, ngunit tatlong bagay ang aking natutunan
Ang pag-asa’y walang hanggan,
pag-ibig ay walang hadlang at lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan

At kung ang pagsinta ay di man nagtagal, ang mas mahalaga natutong magmahal
Umibig ng walang panghihinayang, kahit malamang na masaktan
Kanina lang saking tabi, may aleng lumiko, at sa pagmamadali nasagi ang aking puso
Heto na naman ako sa 'king kabaliwan na sinasabi nga nilang “suntok sa buwan”
Ngunit hindi hihindian ng tulad kong natuto nang magpalipad ng saranggola sa ulan

Gaya ng lagi’t laging sinasabi ko o siyanawa ay siyananga ang totoo
Heto na naman ako sa king kabaliwan na sinasabi nga nilang “suntok sa buwan”
Ngunit hindi hihindian ng tulad kong natuto nang magpalipad ng saranggola sa ulan

Heto ako’t tumatandang nakahandang panindigan ang bato sa tubig ay lulutang
At lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan.

-- kay tagal kong hinanap ang kantang yan mula ng marinig kong kinanta ni jimmy bondoc sa sabado boys! napakahusay ni gary granada!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

i'm back! -- who cares!

hi readers! (haha!)
if i have any.. --feeling.. assuming..

okay, time for a real post.

i was at starbucks last time to check my mail, pinutol kasi ni smartbro connection namin. its my first visit this year and i have to say that i didn't enjoy it. i don't know, i use to be a sucker for that kind of thing but now i feel that its just stupid to waste that much money on coffee. naisip ko, 20 pieces na diaper na yon ng anak ko. you have to admit that their coffee is way too expensive! plus their wi-fi suck!

before id finish a tall cafe latte while doing my thing on my sony vaio or sometimes reading my magazines looking all rich,chat with my smoking friends who thinks that smoking at starbucks will make smoking or them any better, talk to the barista in english and have a venti strawberries and cream frap to go. boy, i was preppy-- and stupid.

i use to go every night during decembers for a planner and i did that for 3 years! it was gratifying. now i find it embarrassing.

my last visit was the time to wake up from my western wonderland.

not that i hate it now. maybe because i use to have so much time to waste and a little more money to spend on luxurious things. now i cant afford to waste my time on sipping my coffee very slowly so i can prolong my stay at this fab coffeehouse waiting for someone to notice me. na tumatambay ako sa starbucks. uy! big time! haha! bob ong wrote something about filipinos like that. dying to be western.

sabi nga ni bob ong kung sino man ang nag-franchise ng mga coffee shop dito sa pinas e kilalang-kilala ang mga pinoy. coffee shops are more of a comfort zone. its nice to get pampered and to feel that you are being served, that you are important once in a while. it is more of an escape from the chaos outside. so sinong pinoy ang hindi mahuhumaling?

i cant do that anymore! -- so i bought a coffee maker, and ground coffee beans from starbucks and voila! sosyal at home! hehe! the coffee itself is what i love anyway!

hindi ko maintindihan ang position ko dito. im torn between my coffee and my money! :) nagkukuripot lang pala.

"ang totoo, hindi dapat kinakahiya, ang nakakahiya, hindi dapat ginagawa"

Thursday, January 22, 2009

"the brave may not live forever but the cautious does not live at all"

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

"life is not about how many breaths you take,
but the moments that take your breath away"


Monday, January 12, 2009

the music coming from the house

this is a story shared by paulo coelho through his enewsletter last christmas season.
i was deeply moved by the story and i like to share it with you. here goes:

The music coming from the house

Paulo Coelho

On Christmas Eve, the king invited the prime minister to join him for their usual walk together. He enjoyed seeing the decorations in the streets, but since he didn’t want his subjects to spend too much money on these just to please him, the two men always disguised themselves as traders from some far distant land.
They walked through the centre of the city, admiring the lights, the Christmas trees, the candles burning on the steps of the houses, the stalls selling gifts, and the men, women and children hurrying off to celebrate a family Christmas around a table laden with food.
On the way back, they passed through a poorer area, where the atmosphere was quite different. There were no lights, no candles, no delicious smells of food about to be served. There was hardly a soul in the street, and, as he did every year, the king remarked to the prime minister that he really must pay more attention to the poor in his kingdom. The prime minister nodded, knowing that the matter would soon be forgotten again, buried beneath the day-to-day bureaucracy of budgets to be approved and discussions with foreign dignitaries.
Suddenly, they heard music coming from one of the poorest houses. The hut was so ramshackle and the rotten wooden timbers so full of cracks, that they were able to peer through and see what was happening inside. And what they saw was utterly absurd: an old man in a wheelchair apparently crying, a shaven-headed young woman dancing, and a young man with sad eyes shaking a tambourine and singing a folk song.
‘I’m going to find out what they’re up to,’ said the king.
He knocked. The music stopped, and the young man came to the door.
‘We are merchants in search of a place to sleep. We heard the music, saw that you were still awake, and wondered if we could spend the night here.’
‘You can find shelter in a hotel in the city. We, alas, cannot help you. Despite the music, this house is full of sadness and suffering.’
‘And may we know why?’
‘It’s all because of me.’ It was the old man in the wheelchair who spoke. ‘I’ve spent my life teaching my son calligraphy, so that he could one day get a job as a palace scribe. But the years have passed and no post has ever come up. And then, last night, I had a stupid dream: an angel appeared to me and asked me to buy a silver goblet because, the angel said, the king would be coming to visit me. He would drink from the goblet and give my son a job.
‘The angel was so persuasive that I decided to do as he said. Since we have no money, my daughter-in-law went to the market this morning to sell her hair so that we could buy that goblet over there. The two of them are doing their best to get me in the Christmas spirit by singing and dancing, but it’s no use.’
The king saw the silver goblet, asked to be given a little water to quench his thirst and, before leaving, said to the family:
‘Do you know, we were talking to the prime minister only today, and he told us that an opening for a palace scribe would be announced next week.’
The old man nodded, not really believing what he was hearing, and bade farewell to the strangers. The following morning, however, a royal proclamation was read out in all the city streets; a new scribe was needed at court. On the appointed day, the audience room at the palace was packed with people eager to compete for that much-sought-after post. The prime minister entered and asked everyone there to prepare their paper and pens:
‘Here is the subject of the composition: Why is an old man weeping, a shaven-headed woman dancing, and a sad young man singing?’
A murmur of disbelief went round the room. No one knew how to tell such a story, apart, that is, from the shabbily dressed young man sitting in one corner, who smiled broadly and began to write.

Based on an Indian story.

Translated from the Portuguese by Margaret Jull Costa

Sunday, January 11, 2009

my view

sa likod ng bahay sa batangas. ang mt. makiling na tanaw mula sa paliparan. paglubog ng araw sa bukid.

above me. (top left - clockwise) cotton candy clouds in batangas. view from a cab in katipunan. look for the witch. afternoon sky from my window, look for a face.

i'm not ready to die -- not yet

today started out as okay.

my daughter wakes me up by crawling over me or pulling my hair which causes me to smile even before i open my eyes.

we did our morning drill. bath. sleep. eat and play.

at times when i have to go grocery shopping,which i did today. i leave her to her lola who is very fond of her. i don't worry much when i'm away because i know she's with people who care as mush as i do.

i'm with my cousin, jessica in this supermarket in landmark that i'm not familiar with but its better than the one i use to go to. they have long aisles that took most of my time so i'm out long enough to really miss my baby.

on our way home, i tried to call my tita to check on my girl and tell her that we'll be home shortly if there is no traffic but my phone just shut off. i told my cousin to just text them and ask how my daughter is doing. they replied that she wouldn't take her milk and wont stop crying.
good thing the driver isn't old, he drives like he is being chased. i'm cool with it at that time.

then suddenly my cousins companion asked what date it is as if something important just happened or will happen. i knew the answer i'm just not in the mood to speak. then they decided to drop by this liquor store like it cant wait. they are walking too slow which never really bothered me before.

i went from worried to paranoid.

minutes after that we are in front of a shoot out that appeared to be a road accident from afar. i thought a tire popped or something but it was a gun shot.

its impossible to go through having cars piled in the middle of the street with its doors open as if the passengers just strike out. then men with guns, long firearms shooting at a guy in motorcycle not too far from us. we couldn't tell if there were any cops. madmen in jackets with guns is all i see and im just seeing, not thinking -- i can't.

i wanted to just run, get out of the car and just get home.

i thought of one person, my daughter who probably felt her mother isn't in the best condition.

we passed 2 dead bodies that night.

and just then, knowing that we are safe, i broke down in tears. i couldn't even talk. i was terrified. it could have been anybody.

we got home, i get to hold my little girl again. thank GOD.

i embraced her and told her i love her as i always do even if she can't say i love you back, even if she can't understand yet.

paranoia attacks

nag taxi ako this morning from robinsons to our home.

taxi driver: saan po kayo?
ako: mindanao ave. lang po.
taxi driver: tsk! (ganyan sa mga comics diba..) ang layo! (nagkamot pa ng ulo)
magkano bigay nyo dun?
ako: metro. pero hindi naman po ako ngbabayad ng sakto lalo na kung mabait yung driver.

alam nyang hindi sya mabait kaya siguro natigilan sya.
kahit bawal mangontrata, iniintindi ko yung mga driver na gumagawa ng ganon. marami silang pwedeng idahilan:

-pagmalakas ang ulan
-kung baha sa dadaanan
-kung panglimahan lang ang taxi at anim kayo
-kung mataba ka,tipong in danger ang taxi nya.
-kung marami kang dala
-kung my dala kang pet
-kung laging traffic sa dadaanan

napakadami kaso sya wala,bastos pa na akala mo uutangin ko sa kanya ung pinatak ng metro, na parang hindi ko sya babayaran.
nagpaikot-ikot sya sa kadahilanang pagiwas sa traffic daw na hindi ko naman nakikita and now im starting to bore myself and i bet you are too. (wala e.. gusto ko talaga ikwento..)

basta, that driver was a real asshole. 217.50 lang yung metro,kung hindi sya nagpaikot-ikot baka nga 150 lang e, binigyan ko ng 250 hindi pa natuwa, 300 pa gusto. kung sinabi nya ng maayos baka ibigay ko pa kaso ang sabi "gawin mong 300! wala pang bente dinagdag mo".

gusto ko syang murahin e, sabi ko na lang -- "grabe kayo manong, irereport ko kayo" , sabay takbo.

bawat pisong ginagastos ko sa araw-araw ay pinagpapaguran ng asawa ko (haha..) gusto kong siguraduhin na sa maayos mapupunta, sa talagang may kailangan.
merong mga waitress, barbero at mababait na taxi driver na bigyan mo ng tip na 20php ay masaya na.
merong isang beses na sumakay ako ng taxi na may mabait na driver, kinukwento nya ang pamilya nya at kung pano nila pinagkakasya maliit na kita nya. (ung mga panahon na sobrang mahal ng gasolina at bigas) binigyan ko ng tip na 50php, tuwang-tuwa na sya. binugbog ako ng "salamat ma'am". i could have given him more if i had more money.
but this ungrateful jerk, bibigyan na ng 30php hindi pa natuwa. saan ka pupulot ng 30 ngayon?

dapat pala binigyan ko sya ng saktong 217.50php at ipinang load yung 32.50php para hindi sumama loob ko.

buti na lang may blog ako.

bakit paranoia: takot ako e, alam nya bahay ko.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

lucky number 1!

i sold marbles as a kid. jolen o holen, marble sa mga konyong bata.that was my 1st business.

my first phone was a nokia3310.

my first guitar was an ugly, sucky, finger slicing, inaamag na red donjon. nauupuan ng tito ko,nabali. i have a new baby now, a taylor bigbaby na maraming nagnanasa.

my 1st year in HS was bittersweet. (chocolate!) bitter kasi nangangain ng bata ung algebra teacher namin, sweet kasi pa-sweet pa ‘ko nun.

1st kiss ko, wholesome naman so i can share it. it was quick and dry. see, completely HS.

my 1st climb was mt. banahaw ng quezon.

1st word ko, malamang 'mama' or 'dede'. tatanong ko sa nanay ko pag nagkita kami.

1st movie na napanood sa sine eh ung rubberman ni sir master michael v.

1st crush ko, bigla naman ako nagblush, (pilitin mo ko.. sige na nga..) --janus del prado. (hihimatayin ata ako..)

1st romance (whoo.. steamy..) ung bato sa banahaw! kailangan romansahin, kung hindi, mahuhulog ka sa bangin.

ito, unang post sa, siguro pang6 kong blog. hindi naman din kasi malayo ang nararating ko sa pagbablog before. mga 4 posts lang tinatamad na ko. (kasi walang nagkocomment.. haha.. pulubi) pero ngayon i doesn't matter if someone will read or even notice this blog. (if you do,lucky you!)

i will keep this blog for me.
no matter how cheesy.

blog, you will be my new bff! (weird..)