sorry if my blog totally lived up to its description.
last week has been tough.
i was so good at hiding my emotions. i can still smile when im mad and laugh when im annoyed. i can always cry later,when no one is around. im often calm and collected but shattered inside.
ino was our clown. i still cant believe hes gone and im talking about him in past tense.
things would have been easier to accept if it was gods will for him to go. after a year of not hearing from friends the last news you would want to know is that one of them committed suicide. its always like "james got a tattoo" or some couple broke up and somebody got a car but never about death.
we were all too late. maybe he felt hopeless and forgotten. he must have been tired. he must have been so sad and we weren't there.
praying for his soul leaves me in a daze. i cry when im reminded of him. i constantly shake my head, never wanting to believe. im mad, im upset, im sad and i cant hide it.
i dont know if its bravery to face death or fear of living. so many people are fighting for their lives,battling sickness and shit and others just want to end it. some thinks of jumping from a bridge or slitting their wrists when just the thought of dying scares me already.
but then its good to be scared, "it means you still got something to lose"