harry all grown up

tutor, math and me

our body, when exposed to something we dont like reacts in an amazing way. its like its programmed to develop an alibi for you.

my cousin kyle is in first grade. he tosses his bag as soon as he gets home then heads out to play. about 5 minutes into his freedom his most hated person comes in - his tutor. so most of the time - he'd say hes sleepy, sometimes hes tired or hungry, one time he even took a shower. he will do anything to keep the poor teacher away.

kyle hates his tutor.

i never liked math. simple math, algebra, whatever! since elementary i look at math teachers as terrors even if they are nice. i hate them for no reason. i seriously get a fever before a math exam. i dont know how that happens, maybe out of nervousness thinking that i'll probably shit my pants in the middle of the test. thank goodness for calculators because -

i hate math.

here comes the sad part. you. have you ever heard of someone saying that he forgets something because he's so in on what he was doing. like when i forget to eat when i play the guitar. like how mothers burn what they are cooking because of watching tv. like when someone forgets that its time to sleep when shes talking to you because she loves listening to you. somehow YOU manage to be the exact opposite.

you remember all the things you have to do. you suddenly have to cut your nails, you have to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes. you need to go outside to smoke. you like to talk to someone else. you feel like cleaning your car. you have to cook because you are hungry right after lunch. you are tired and instantly falls asleep.

so maybe - just maybe- i thought, you hate me like kyle hates his tutor, you hate me like i hate math.

wake up

this is the real world. no glass slippers. but there's always a villain who will try to destroy your life.

ps.
dont get your hopes up on prince charming. they're long gone.

concealer

i look like an unhappy person, honestly. though i know(i really do) that we should just enjoy life, even if it gets scary.

i also know this - that i have no reason to be sad. other parts of my life might suck but most of the time im lucky or just luckier. i have a very smart daughter and we are able to give her her needs. we have enough.

the real deal is - i am happy but im scared. sometimes, when everything is perfect i know something bad is bound to happen. when you have all that you possibly want, its terrifying. it feels like you're about to lose something.

its hurts to be negative about anything. i get scared before i appreciate things and be happy.

hi, am i you? are you still me?

do you ever feel like you are here but you are not really here? you stare at one thing so long that people think that you are deep into your thoughts but you're not.. you're just looking, not thinking.

b_l_a_n_k

not high. not sad. not happy. just there, existing.

we were on the beach last week. there i was, walking on fine sand, waves kiss my feet. i walked far from the crowded beach until the the noise faded. i enjoyed the walk with the ocean and the sun. i forgot how i loved the sand, sun and sea. it was pure bliss to be reunited with the things you thought you can live without.

its like when you quit smoking and then sadly went back to your vice. the first puff is like breaking free! you are happy though you know that cigarettes are disgusting.

sometimes all that matters is that you are happy. sometimes all you need is to do what you really like - even if it is bad. sometimes you just need to be you and forget about what everyone else might think.

its not bad to put yourself first - sometimes.

"mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain that they are their own" - Aristotle

thats kind of messed up! anyway, Happy Mothers Day to all the moms out there! it should be mothers day everyday!

my ending to rej's Last Man Standing

there he was, typing away
since all he got is a name,
while searching for her
he better pray

google, yahoo
twitter, multiply
nothing came up
but he just couldn't stop

what's the popular networking site?
everyone's on facebook, right?
"if i cant find her here -
then lets call it a night"

nervously he typed her name and clicked search
many girls are named the same, i suppose.
but one girl stood out, she has the smile that he remembers
the girl from the train is now the girl in this profile picture.

add as a friend, send her a message
he couldn't decide
but his heart skipped a beat
when her status said : Married.

seated outside a coffee shop at Tomas Morato. looking up, thinking i really miss my blog. i saw Vice Ganda that night.

before i sleep, i will pray.
with my eyes closed and with no words.
i'll have only my heart and his understanding.

lizards and airports

to me they are equally scary and infinitely irritating.

to think that i even wanted to be a pilot. i cant even pick a moment when i enjoy being at airports.

everything costs more, they're boring and yes - either way, you are leaving something or much worst, someone behind.

sure its sad whether its me or them who is leaving, but never in my life of traveling and having a traveling mom, lots of traveling relatives, traveling boyfriend and now - traveling husband, - i ever cried at airports.

i dont like it when people leave. instead of being sad im more annoyed or mad. hence, no tears, no smiles either.

i hate airports.

home

leslie's

you're lucky

maasar ka pag-ako ang kausap mo, kasi whenever people complain about life, vent their anger and tell me their problems i tell them - 'you're lucky!'

but then luck is an illusion, its made up. some say that they got lucky after a good day - then we blame bad luck when it is US who actually messed up. its funny how some invest in charms, renovations, fireworks and too much red when nothing is in our hands.

so, should i change that to 'you are more blessed' or 'you should pray more'?

raised by wolves

partly cloudy.

some of me i learned from my mom. some of me look a lot like my father. alot of me is by my grandparents. a part of me are from my uncles, a little from my titas. bits and pieces from books but most of this i kind of got as i went along.

they separated, moved on with their lives with out me - but in the middle of all that i did not pity my pitiful young self. i learned that if no one is going to be there for me, i have to be strong for me.

being a part of a broken family does not give you the license to be a rebel. it gives you an initiative to be different from what you grew up on. you should set that mistake in your life (that isn't your fault) as example of what not to do.

yes it does confuse me. until now i ask questions and often think of what could have been. but as i grow older i realized that the person (cliche warning) that im today wouldnt be as strong if i wasnt weathered by my fate.

mad glitch.

cool off

i hope to see you when i get back - mid april!

i will schedule some, but wont get to visit your pages or read and answer comments which is my favorite part.

sleep to dream

i read this somewhere..

"make your dreams come true! wake up at the right time."

its so funny when your dream gets mashed up with the real stuff, like once im dreaming and in my dream im reading the newspaper and the song unwell by matchbox20 was playing on the radio then i woke up to my uncle singing the song. OR worse, and i know a lot have experienced this same embarrassing moment when in your dream, you got up and went to the bathroom to pee BUT in the middle of your business you wake up in a wet bed, admit it!

i was drunk when that happened to me. so.. yes, tmi!

loner mode

im not believing its already march.

parang kahapon lang, im trying so hard to get my sh*t together so i'd be/look/feel ready(?) for new years tapos march na! ano daw!?

february sucked, thats what.

but i just have to say, im, we're all very lucky to be on the side of the world where we can appreciate how the moonlight is brighter.

good morning!

1 dont be parading out there in your skimpy clothing without sunscreen.

2 dont walk around the pool or the beach with you ipod, camera or anything not waterproof. you're out there to get wet not to brag.

3 hydrate

uh huh.you're welcome!

character reference

the day i was so hoping not to come came anyway.

today, i have to stop bumming around and get a job. which is close to not possible because 1)im not done with school and 2) im not goin' back to school. - but if you are reading this AND you are a student then STAY in school.

lets see, im tall, (?) sleep deprived, i dont know where im good at, and if you are a junkie and needs a buddy you can hire me!

:(

if

you are wondering who cares, its definitely not the person who is telling you to runaway.

akala mo.. yun pala hindi!

on the go

i miss my old music library.

my portable music storage device froze and i needed to restore it. and since the stupid me, after, reformatting my computer didnt install back the application it needs to run - is left with a wiped out ipod.

foo fighters, skid row, tegan and sarah, the cure.. gone. michael jackson music videos.. GONE!
that ipod had in it my music from almost five years ago! the crappy music that i listened to when i was 17 was there - i dont feel so bad after all.

i always thought that people my age wont like my choice of music. back in elementary, all the girls in my class were gaga over the back street boys, i like them too - until now, but at that time i listened to spandau ballet and fra lippo lippi.

i use to think that im the only person who know all my favorite songs, and if someone i know happens to also know a song i like, i'd say she heard it from me OR i'll just stop liking that song. people like that are annoying - yes, im annoying! like the song was exclusively written for me and others are not allowed to like it? but seriously, i stopped liking reggae when punk rocker kids start wearing che guevarra shirts and relating him to ska. ano daw!? akala ata nila sa bob marley yun. nalito na rin pati ako.

i really miss jack johnsons voice, all i have here are new songs from black eyed peas, t-pain and cobra starship - danceable but not ME. on the positive note, i have most of my music in CDs. rip na lang pag-sinipag.

anyway, whats in your playlist?

like.. icebreaker!

everytime i enter toby's sports i always tell myself "i can live here!" or "i wish my house is like this.."

anyway, im looking for good running shoes. im running after derek ramsey next month! ha!

i just have this question - if you can live in a store which store will it be and why?

nabasa ko na

FACT : lack of sleep will kill you faster than starvation.

stop nagging me! i just cant sleep when im supposed to. like now, its 4AM - im a little sleepy but im sure that if i lay down im going to be staring at the ceiling for another 2 hours.

tea, hot milk and a banana, writing and reading never help. i have so much going on up here. (i know it doesnt show because i dont even have something good to write about) but seriously, if i have someone NOT annoying to talk to, we can talk for days!

by the way, "si Manny Villar ang magtatapos ng ating kahirapan" is stuck in my head! bad LSS..

oh dear! one year!

yup! 70 crappy posts later and then - blog anniversary!

after a year of ranting, complaining, whining, sarcasm and venting my anger on the web i've decided to.. well as always im undecided.

i sincerely thank everyone who came across my writings, those who i came to interact with in the comments section - which i always look forward of reading and answer with pure joy. the blogs that i read - i feel like i've met the coolest people through reading your posts and looking at photos you took. i look up to all of you!

celebrate what you want to see more of - so im heading to mcdonalds to celebrate!

back to school promo

as part of celebrating my blogs first birthday, im giving rej and yuli each a copy of -

rej and yuli, please comment with your complete name and mailing address (ill send it through fedex or lbc or dhl or something - i wont publish your address). thank you for being the coolest readers! :)