fresh start

cheers to the better me!

im saying goodbye to this blog and will start a new one. im leaving all the negativity and sadness behind - but im lucky to have shared with you that phase of my life, i learned a lot from YOU and i wish along the way of being sympathetic with me you picked up something. i hope i made you smile somehow or feel like you are never alone - because most of the time when i read your blogs i do.

thank you for each comment left for me, you know i love them and i always write back!
it was great! :)

i hope to see some of you on my new home(?)

off topic

everything about losing weight is either annoying or boring and im certain - super hard.

to tell you honestly im making very little progress. slowly but surely. but then i said im not going to talk about that.

this week is about family and how i always felt like i never have one. but that's changed, because i now have my own. you know how i use to see it - im everybody's daughter when im great and im alone when im wrong. people would take credit for who you've become when its good. 

without exaggerating. OR maybe people feel most emotional when their birthday is coming up. 

i remember last year, i have cousin who is visiting from london whose birthday is 3 days after mine. they decided to have our party on the same day. my birthday isn't really a big deal for me since i had children so i guess its okay. i was worrying about my cousin leila who was turning 14 then - might not like sharing her party,(you know how teens are) but she was totally cool with it. 

during the afternoon we were killing time at the mall so people at home can prepare for the party - they call me to say that i have to buy a cake, for me. buy my own cake because they bought one for my cousin and it wouldnt look good if we share. i saw it as a simple task but the people i was with were like, "sad you have to buy your own cake.."

A for effort

i lost 9 lbs last week.

just by dieting, i haven't been out lately to run. its amazing how easy i can put the weight i've lost back on - so easy. the weather continues to work against me equals cardio indoors. jogging in place, jumping jacks and possibly jump rope.

"the workout playlist" : all linked to videos on youtube.

More Than A Woman, Aaliyah - video is equally good! i miss Her.

Control Myself, LL Cool J & J.Lo - i literally dont understand what the song is about but it sounds good.

Just Like Me, Jamie Foxx - i love Jamie Foxx. you have to love this video!

Lose Control, Missy Elliot - why not.

Uh Huh, B2k - idk - can't believe it's almost 10 years since this song was a hit, they use to play this everyday, every radio station in CT and on BET back in 2002.

Try Again, Aaliyah - the video is a motivation to get fit. look at her stomach.

We Need A Resolution, Aaliyah - i recently salvaged my old CDs from the trash bin, much to my surprise they still work! - skips a little though. i use to play this from start to finish, again and again.

Ride, Ciara & Ludacris - warning : the video is too hot!

Get it Shawty, Lloyd - fact : i have the biggest crush on him.

Good Girls Go Bad, Cobra Starship - idk.

Animal, Neon Trees - 2 more reps. :D

and.. its raining again.

the zone

there are a lot of things to avoid when on a diet, you have to keep your eyes set on your 120lbs goal. focus, focus, focus on what not to eat, when to eat and how much you can eat. then, while you are avoiding the kitchen, watching TV without a snack a food commercial comes up. yup, the world is working against you.

the pantry - i'm a cook. i see carbonara in eggs, cream and cheese. i see cake in flour and sugar. "what am i going to do with these carrots and potatoes? a, kaldereta. may baka ba? then i open the -

fridge - merong baka! may ice cream din." my daughter loves ice cream too.

i love to entertain people with food. i sometimes cook for no reason. i also have to try everything. so when i get in the -

car - we pass by at least 10 restaurants before we get to the -

mall - where there are more places for food. do you know how many restaurants and food stalls there are in TriNoMa? haha! :)

so, maybe i'll do a little browsing and guess what i just stumbled upon, an article about how big donuts are as news.

resisting the munching

does the weather really have to work against me? rain to me is synonymous to champorado and tuyo, ginataang halo-halo and 30 ounces of hot chocolate plus pajama all day, sleeping in and every other day showers. :D

its been a boring week since i decided to diet and exercise. i haven't invest on any equipment yet, but i've been running and doing sit ups. i'm also eating less. no rice, burgers only! (that's a joke) i gave up pork and beef (i've been doing this for a while), and live on tuna and occasional chicken. no cream for coffee and no butter for anything.

my biggest problem yet is dessert. i LOVE cake and ice cream. now i have to hate donuts too.  

real friends tell you the truth - annoyingly.

my weekend was fun! i had a little free time to catch up with friends. we had dinner, coffee and a lot of talk!

they all teased me for gaining too much weight. pinching my arm, asking how much i weigh and if i auditioned for the Biggest Loser (which was funny yet exaggerated). so i said, "we all gained weight and i'm the only one with the valid excuse - i had children!"

i'm going to let you in a secret : i did a little teen modeling. i was going to put up the link to the site where they have my portfolio BUT i'm too shy. i was 16 ; i don't judge me. :) nothing special, i was very skinny, underweight for my height ; 5'8. that's why my friends wouldn't drop the issue, i nearly doubled. 

i honestly don't feel bad about being heavier. i love my body. i don't feel fat but i know i'm not on the healthy side either. i don't watch what i eat, i have less physical activities and never tried to workout or at least jog(which i use to love).

summer is over, i don't need a bikini body but getting the same comment from everybody is getting old. "you got bigger!". i never dare say that to anybody, i think it's a little offensive even if it's true. seriously,other people never thought of that? 

you read it first. i'm now making my 'WORK OUT' playlist.

you know what i mean

this bothers me : every time a foreign band or celebrity visits the philippines the one thing that they have to be asked is "how do you find the filipino women?" like its the best product around.

 wow. TV! I'm annoyed entertained.

eyesore. i give myself an F in Penmanship.

play list 5/8

i want to make a mix tape for you! :')

Banana Pancakes, Jack Johnson -  i can smile through out this song - it just says it all! "pretend there's no world outside.." parang lahat ng kanta ni JJ pang cuddle weather? o baka yung boses nya lang.

Sing for you, Tracy Chapman - this is a sad song but her voice relaxes me plus its easy to sing along to! ahaha!

Patience, Guns N Roses - a song about missing someone. why cant there be songs like this anymore? im stuck in this era. replay.replay! and the video is super bonus, Axl Rose is beautiful!

Two Wrongs, Wyclef Jean feat. Claudette Ortiz - this i don't know how to explain. take a listen. :')

Live and Learn, The Cardigans - "no, i don't think i can learn.."

Cold Summer Nights, Francis M - one of my favorites! i can't listen to the other versions of this song sung by Nina and Armie(?). i use to like Upside Down,Two Minds Crack - but when 6cycle Mind revived it, (more like killed it) i stopped liking it too much. 

Skinny Love, Bon Iver - this is at the top of my most played list but im not really heartbroken. its so hard to explain what this song means, i almost don't get it. ahaha! it is so beautiful. specially this live performance. moving.

Never There, Cake - GENIUSES! every Cake song is fun.

Generator 1st Floor, Freelance Whales - i just discovered this. WHERE HAVE I BEEN!? all their songs that i listened to made me giddy-happy but so far my favorite is this one. i just fell in love.. yup, in love. big grin**

When I'm With You, Best Coast - "i hate sleeping alone.." i spaced out.

Don't Look Back in Anger, Oasis - i love Oasis but i choose this one today. the video is Eraserheadish or the other way around, this reminds me so much of this video, Julie Tearjerky, ano?

How's it Going Be, Third Eye Blind - another band that i love along with The Cure, The Smiths and Pearl Jam . this is my driving away song.

sunday madness

QC's greatest landmark after SM North EDSA! :)

harry all grown up

tutor, math and me

our body, when exposed to something we dont like reacts in an amazing way. its like its programmed to develop an alibi for you.

my cousin kyle is in first grade. he tosses his bag as soon as he gets home then heads out to play. about 5 minutes into his freedom his most hated person comes in - his tutor. so most of the time - he'd say hes sleepy, sometimes hes tired or hungry, one time he even took a shower. he will do anything to keep the poor teacher away.

kyle hates his tutor.

i never liked math. simple math, algebra, whatever! since elementary i look at math teachers as terrors even if they are nice. i hate them for no reason. i seriously get a fever before a math exam. i dont know how that happens, maybe out of nervousness thinking that i'll probably shit my pants in the middle of the test. thank goodness for calculators because -

i hate math.

here comes the sad part. you. have you ever heard of someone saying that he forgets something because he's so in on what he was doing. like when i forget to eat when i play the guitar. like how mothers burn what they are cooking because of watching tv. like when someone forgets that its time to sleep when shes talking to you because she loves listening to you. somehow YOU manage to be the exact opposite.

you remember all the things you have to do. you suddenly have to cut your nails, you have to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes. you need to go outside to smoke. you like to talk to someone else. you feel like cleaning your car. you have to cook because you are hungry right after lunch. you are tired and instantly falls asleep.

so maybe - just maybe- i thought, you hate me like kyle hates his tutor, you hate me like i hate math.

wake up

this is the real world. no glass slippers. but there's always a villain who will try to destroy your life.

ps.
dont get your hopes up on prince charming. they're long gone.

concealer

i look like an unhappy person, honestly. though i know(i really do) that we should just enjoy life, even if it gets scary.

i also know this - that i have no reason to be sad. other parts of my life might suck but most of the time im lucky or just luckier. i have a very smart daughter and we are able to give her her needs. we have enough.

the real deal is - i am happy but im scared. sometimes, when everything is perfect i know something bad is bound to happen. when you have all that you possibly want, its terrifying. it feels like you're about to lose something.

its hurts to be negative about anything. i get scared before i appreciate things and be happy.

hi, am i you? are you still me?

do you ever feel like you are here but you are not really here? you stare at one thing so long that people think that you are deep into your thoughts but you're not.. you're just looking, not thinking.

b_l_a_n_k

not high. not sad. not happy. just there, existing.

we were on the beach last week. there i was, walking on fine sand, waves kiss my feet. i walked far from the crowded beach until the the noise faded. i enjoyed the walk with the ocean and the sun. i forgot how i loved the sand, sun and sea. it was pure bliss to be reunited with the things you thought you can live without.

its like when you quit smoking and then sadly went back to your vice. the first puff is like breaking free! you are happy though you know that cigarettes are disgusting.

sometimes all that matters is that you are happy. sometimes all you need is to do what you really like - even if it is bad. sometimes you just need to be you and forget about what everyone else might think.

its not bad to put yourself first - sometimes.

"mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain that they are their own" - Aristotle

thats kind of messed up! anyway, Happy Mothers Day to all the moms out there! it should be mothers day everyday!

my ending to rej's Last Man Standing

there he was, typing away
since all he got is a name,
while searching for her
he better pray

google, yahoo
twitter, multiply
nothing came up
but he just couldn't stop

what's the popular networking site?
everyone's on facebook, right?
"if i cant find her here -
then lets call it a night"

nervously he typed her name and clicked search
many girls are named the same, i suppose.
but one girl stood out, she has the smile that he remembers
the girl from the train is now the girl in this profile picture.

add as a friend, send her a message
he couldn't decide
but his heart skipped a beat
when her status said : Married.

seated outside a coffee shop at Tomas Morato. looking up, thinking i really miss my blog. i saw Vice Ganda that night.

before i sleep, i will pray.
with my eyes closed and with no words.
i'll have only my heart and his understanding.

lizards and airports

to me they are equally scary and infinitely irritating.

to think that i even wanted to be a pilot. i cant even pick a moment when i enjoy being at airports.

everything costs more, they're boring and yes - either way, you are leaving something or much worst, someone behind.

sure its sad whether its me or them who is leaving, but never in my life of traveling and having a traveling mom, lots of traveling relatives, traveling boyfriend and now - traveling husband, - i ever cried at airports.

i dont like it when people leave. instead of being sad im more annoyed or mad. hence, no tears, no smiles either.