i scribble, doodle, squiggle.

fresh start

2011-09-06T23:36:00.002+08:00

cheers to the better me!

im saying goodbye to this blog and will start a new one. im leaving all the negativity and sadness behind - but im lucky to have shared with you that phase of my life, i learned a lot from YOU and i wish along the way of being sympathetic with me you picked up something. i hope i made you smile somehow or feel like you are never alone - because most of the time when i read your blogs i do.

thank you for each comment left for me, you know i love them and i always write back!
it was great! :)

i hope to see some of you on my new home(?)

off topic

2011-08-03T00:09:00.001+08:00

everything about losing weight is either annoying or boring and im certain - super hard.

to tell you honestly im making very little progress. slowly but surely. but then i said im not going to talk about that.

this week is about family and how i always felt like i never have one. but that's changed, because i now have my own. you know how i use to see it - im everybody's daughter when im great and im alone when im wrong. people would take credit for who you've become when its good.

without exaggerating. OR maybe people feel most emotional when their birthday is coming up.

i remember last year, i have cousin who is visiting from london whose birthday is 3 days after mine. they decided to have our party on the same day. my birthday isn't really a big deal for me since i had children so i guess its okay. i was worrying about my cousin leila who was turning 14 then - might not like sharing her party,(you know how teens are) but she was totally cool with it.

during the afternoon we were killing time at the mall so people at home can prepare for the party - they call me to say that i have to buy a cake, for me. buy my own cake because they bought one for my cousin and it wouldnt look good if we share. i saw it as a simple task but the people i was with were like, "sad you have to buy your own cake.."

A for effort

2011-07-07T03:59:00.002+08:00

i lost 9 lbs last week.

just by dieting, i haven't been out lately to run. its amazing how easy i can put the weight i've lost back on - so easy. the weather continues to work against me equals cardio indoors. jogging in place, jumping jacks and possibly jump rope.

"the workout playlist" : all linked to videos on youtube.

More Than A Woman, Aaliyah - video is equally good! i miss Her.

Control Myself, LL Cool J & J.Lo - i literally dont understand what the song is about but it sounds good.

Just Like Me, Jamie Foxx - i love Jamie Foxx. you have to love this video!

Lose Control, Missy Elliot - why not.

Uh Huh, B2k - idk - can't believe it's almost 10 years since this song was a hit, they use to play this everyday, every radio station in CT and on BET back in 2002.

Try Again, Aaliyah - the video is a motivation to get fit. look at her stomach.

We Need A Resolution, Aaliyah - i recently salvaged my old CDs from the trash bin, much to my surprise they still work! - skips a little though. i use to play this from start to finish, again and again.

Ride, Ciara & Ludacris - warning : the video is too hot!

Get it Shawty, Lloyd - fact : i have the biggest crush on him.

Good Girls Go Bad, Cobra Starship - idk.

Animal, Neon Trees - 2 more reps. :D

and.. its raining again.

the zone

2011-06-26T01:37:00.002+08:00

there are a lot of things to avoid when on a diet, you have to keep your eyes set on your 120lbs goal. focus, focus, focus on what not to eat, when to eat and how much you can eat. then, while you are avoiding the kitchen, watching TV without a snack a food commercial comes up. yup, the world is working against you.

the pantry - i'm a cook. i see carbonara in eggs, cream and cheese. i see cake in flour and sugar. "what am i going to do with these carrots and potatoes? a, kaldereta. may baka ba? then i open the -

fridge - merong baka! may ice cream din." my daughter loves ice cream too.

i love to entertain people with food. i sometimes cook for no reason. i also have to try everything. so when i get in the -

car - we pass by at least 10 restaurants before we get to the -

mall - where there are more places for food. do you know how many restaurants and food stalls there are in TriNoMa? haha! :)

so, maybe i'll do a little browsing and guess what i just stumbled upon, an article about how big donuts are as news.

resisting the munching

2011-06-20T20:09:00.001+08:00

does the weather really have to work against me? rain to me is synonymous to champorado and tuyo, ginataang halo-halo and 30 ounces of hot chocolate plus pajama all day, sleeping in and every other day showers. :D

its been a boring week since i decided to diet and exercise. i haven't invest on any equipment yet, but i've been running and doing sit ups. i'm also eating less. no rice, burgers only! (that's a joke) i gave up pork and beef (i've been doing this for a while), and live on tuna and occasional chicken. no cream for coffee and no butter for anything.

my biggest problem yet is dessert. i LOVE cake and ice cream. now i have to hate donuts too.

real friends tell you the truth - annoyingly.

2011-06-13T21:52:00.006+08:00

my weekend was fun! i had a little free time to catch up with friends. we had dinner, coffee and a lot of talk!

they all teased me for gaining too much weight. pinching my arm, asking how much i weigh and if i auditioned for the Biggest Loser (which was funny yet exaggerated). so i said, "we all gained weight and i'm the only one with the valid excuse - i had children!"

i'm going to let you in a secret : i did a little teen modeling. i was going to put up the link to the site where they have my portfolio BUT i'm too shy. i was 16 ; i don't judge me. :) nothing special, i was very skinny, underweight for my height ; 5'8. that's why my friends wouldn't drop the issue, i nearly doubled.

i honestly don't feel bad about being heavier. i love my body. i don't feel fat but i know i'm not on the healthy side either. i don't watch what i eat, i have less physical activities and never tried to workout or at least jog(which i use to love).

summer is over, i don't need a bikini body but getting the same comment from everybody is getting old. "you got bigger!". i never dare say that to anybody, i think it's a little offensive even if it's true. seriously,other people never thought of that?

you read it first. i'm now making my 'WORK OUT' playlist.

you know what i mean

2011-06-07T22:49:00.002+08:00

this bothers me : every time a foreign band or celebrity visits the philippines the one thing that they have to be asked is "how do you find the filipino women?" like its the best product around.

wow. TV! I'm ~~annoyed~~ entertained.

eyesore. i give myself an F in Penmanship.

2011-06-06T02:57:00.003+08:00

play list 5/8

2011-05-08T04:31:00.009+08:00

i want to make a mix tape for you! :')

Banana Pancakes, Jack Johnson - i can smile through out this song - it just says it all! "pretend there's no world outside.." parang lahat ng kanta ni JJ pang cuddle weather? o baka yung boses nya lang.

Sing for you, Tracy Chapman - this is a sad song but her voice relaxes me plus its easy to sing along to! ahaha!

Patience, Guns N Roses - a song about missing someone. why cant there be songs like this anymore? im stuck in this era. replay.replay! and the video is super bonus, Axl Rose is beautiful!

Two Wrongs, Wyclef Jean feat. Claudette Ortiz - this i don't know how to explain. take a listen. :')

Live and Learn, The Cardigans - "no, i don't think i can learn.."

Cold Summer Nights, Francis M - one of my favorites! i can't listen to the other versions of this song sung by Nina and Armie(?). i use to like Upside Down,Two Minds Crack - but when 6cycle Mind revived it, (more like killed it) i stopped liking it too much.

Skinny Love, Bon Iver - this is at the top of my most played list but im not really heartbroken. its so hard to explain what this song means, i almost don't get it. ahaha! it is so beautiful. specially this live performance. moving.

Never There, Cake - GENIUSES! every Cake song is fun.

Generator 1st Floor, Freelance Whales - i just discovered this. WHERE HAVE I BEEN!? all their songs that i listened to made me giddy-happy but so far my favorite is this one. i just fell in love.. yup, in love. big grin**

When I'm With You, Best Coast - "i hate sleeping alone.." i spaced out.

Don't Look Back in Anger, Oasis - i love Oasis but i choose this one today. the video is Eraserheadish or the other way around, this reminds me so much of this video, Julie Tearjerky, ano?

How's it Going Be, Third Eye Blind - another band that i love along with The Cure, The Smiths and Pearl Jam . this is my driving away song.

sunday madness

2011-03-03T03:11:00.004+08:00

QC's greatest landmark after SM North EDSA! :)

harry all grown up

2010-11-04T21:40:00.000+08:00

tutor, math and me

2010-09-03T03:20:00.005+08:00

our body, when exposed to something we dont like reacts in an amazing way. its like its programmed to develop an alibi for you.

my cousin kyle is in first grade. he tosses his bag as soon as he gets home then heads out to play. about 5 minutes into his freedom his most hated person comes in - his tutor. so most of the time - he'd say hes sleepy, sometimes hes tired or hungry, one time he even took a shower. he will do anything to keep the poor teacher away.

kyle hates his tutor.

i never liked math. simple math, algebra, whatever! since elementary i look at math teachers as terrors even if they are nice. i hate them for no reason. i seriously get a fever before a math exam. i dont know how that happens, maybe out of nervousness thinking that i'll probably shit my pants in the middle of the test. thank goodness for calculators because -

i hate math.

here comes the sad part. you. have you ever heard of someone saying that he forgets something because he's so in on what he was doing. like when i forget to eat when i play the guitar. like how mothers burn what they are cooking because of watching tv. like when someone forgets that its time to sleep when shes talking to you because she loves listening to you. somehow YOU manage to be the exact opposite.

you remember all the things you have to do. you suddenly have to cut your nails, you have to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes. you need to go outside to smoke. you like to talk to someone else. you feel like cleaning your car. you have to cook because you are hungry right after lunch. you are tired and instantly falls asleep.

so maybe - just maybe- i thought, you hate me like kyle hates his tutor, you hate me like i hate math.

wake up

2010-08-01T04:00:00.002+08:00

this is the real world. no glass slippers. but there's always a villain who will try to destroy your life.

ps.
dont get your hopes up on prince charming. they're long gone.

concealer

2010-06-25T14:53:00.003+08:00

i look like an unhappy person, honestly. though i know(i really do) that we should just enjoy life, even if it gets scary.

i also know this - that i have no reason to be sad. other parts of my life might suck but most of the time im lucky or just luckier. i have a very smart daughter and we are able to give her her needs. we have enough.

the real deal is - i am happy but im scared. sometimes, when everything is perfect i know something bad is bound to happen. when you have all that you possibly want, its terrifying. it feels like you're about to lose something.

its hurts to be negative about anything. i get scared before i appreciate things and be happy.

hi, am i you? are you still me?

2010-05-10T01:37:00.004+08:00

do you ever feel like you are here but you are not really here? you stare at one thing so long that people think that you are deep into your thoughts but you're not.. you're just looking, not thinking.

b_l_a_n_k

not high. not sad. not happy. just there, existing.

we were on the beach last week. there i was, walking on fine sand, waves kiss my feet. i walked far from the crowded beach until the the noise faded. i enjoyed the walk with the ocean and the sun. i forgot how i loved the sand, sun and sea. it was pure bliss to be reunited with the things you thought you can live without.

its like when you quit smoking and then sadly went back to your vice. the first puff is like breaking free! you are happy though you know that cigarettes are disgusting.

sometimes all that matters is that you are happy. sometimes all you need is to do what you really like - even if it is bad. sometimes you just need to be you and forget about what everyone else might think.

its not bad to put yourself first - sometimes.

2010-05-09T03:05:00.002+08:00

"mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain that they are their own" - Aristotle

thats kind of messed up! anyway, Happy Mothers Day to all the moms out there! it should be mothers day everyday!

2010-04-26T21:24:00.004+08:00

my ending to rej's Last Man Standing

there he was, typing away
since all he got is a name,
while searching for her
he better pray

google, yahoo
twitter, multiply
nothing came up
but he just couldn't stop

what's the popular networking site?
everyone's on facebook, right?
"if i cant find her here -
then lets call it a night"

nervously he typed her name and clicked search
many girls are named the same, i suppose.
but one girl stood out, she has the smile that he remembers
the girl from the train is now the girl in this profile picture.

add as a friend, send her a message
he couldn't decide
but his heart skipped a beat
when her status said : Married.

2010-04-26T01:45:00.001+08:00

seated outside a coffee shop at Tomas Morato. looking up, thinking i really miss my blog. i saw Vice Ganda that night.

2010-04-21T02:12:00.003+08:00

before i sleep, i will pray.
with my eyes closed and with no words.
i'll have only my heart and his understanding.

lizards and airports

2010-04-19T01:31:00.004+08:00

to me they are equally scary and infinitely irritating.

to think that i even wanted to be a pilot. i cant even pick a moment when i enjoy being at airports.

everything costs more, they're boring and yes - either way, you are leaving something or much worst, someone behind.

sure its sad whether its me or them who is leaving, but never in my life of traveling and having a traveling mom, lots of traveling relatives, traveling boyfriend and now - traveling husband, - i ever cried at airports.

i dont like it when people leave. instead of being sad im more annoyed or mad. hence, no tears, no smiles either.

2010-04-16T23:50:00.000+08:00

i hate airports.

home

2010-04-16T02:54:00.001+08:00

leslie's

2010-04-02T04:44:00.000+08:00

you're lucky

2010-03-20T08:00:00.000+08:00

maasar ka pag-ako ang kausap mo, kasi whenever people complain about life, vent their anger and tell me their problems i tell them - 'you're lucky!'

but then luck is an illusion, its made up. some say that they got lucky after a good day - then we blame bad luck when it is US who actually messed up. its funny how some invest in charms, renovations, fireworks and too much red when nothing is in our hands.

so, should i change that to 'you are more blessed' or 'you should pray more'?

raised by wolves

2010-03-17T02:22:00.001+08:00

partly cloudy.

some of me i learned from my mom. some of me look a lot like my father. alot of me is by my grandparents. a part of me are from my uncles, a little from my titas. bits and pieces from books but most of this i kind of got as i went along.

they separated, moved on with their lives with out me - but in the middle of all that i did not pity my pitiful young self. i learned that if no one is going to be there for me, i have to be strong for me.

being a part of a broken family does not give you the license to be a rebel. it gives you an initiative to be different from what you grew up on. you should set that mistake in your life (that isn't your fault) as example of what not to do.

yes it does confuse me. until now i ask questions and often think of what could have been. but as i grow older i realized that the person (cliche warning) that im today wouldnt be as strong if i wasnt weathered by my fate.

mad glitch.

cool off

2010-03-08T05:36:00.004+08:00

i hope to see you when i get back - mid april!

i will schedule some, but wont get to visit your pages or read and answer comments which is my favorite part.

sleep to dream

2010-03-05T03:46:00.005+08:00

i read this somewhere..

"make your dreams come true! wake up at the right time."

its so funny when your dream gets mashed up with the real stuff, like once im dreaming and in my dream im reading the newspaper and the song unwell by matchbox20 was playing on the radio then i woke up to my uncle singing the song. OR worse, and i know a lot have experienced this same embarrassing moment when in your dream, you got up and went to the bathroom to pee BUT in the middle of your business you wake up in a wet bed, admit it!

i was drunk when that happened to me. so.. yes, tmi!

loner mode

2010-03-01T02:12:00.004+08:00

im not believing its already march.

parang kahapon lang, im trying so hard to get my sh*t together so i'd be/look/feel ready(?) for new years tapos march na! ano daw!?

february sucked, thats what.

but i just have to say, im, we're all very lucky to be on the side of the world where we can appreciate how the moonlight is brighter.

good morning!

2010-02-27T06:21:00.004+08:00

1 dont be parading out there in your skimpy clothing without sunscreen.

2 dont walk around the pool or the beach with you ipod, camera or anything not waterproof. you're out there to get wet not to brag.

3 hydrate

uh huh.you're welcome!

character reference

2010-02-10T03:38:00.005+08:00

the day i was so hoping not to come came anyway.

today, i have to stop bumming around and get a job. which is close to not possible because 1)im not done with school and 2) im not goin' back to school. - but if you are reading this AND you are a student then STAY in school.

lets see, im tall, (?) sleep deprived, i dont know where im good at, and if you are a junkie and needs a buddy you can hire me!

:(

if

2010-02-04T04:26:00.001+08:00

you are wondering who cares, its definitely not the person who is telling you to runaway.

2010-02-02T02:22:00.000+08:00

akala mo.. yun pala hindi!

on the go

2010-01-27T01:13:00.005+08:00

i miss my old music library.

my portable music storage device froze and i needed to restore it. and since the stupid me, after, reformatting my computer didnt install back the application it needs to run - is left with a wiped out ipod.

foo fighters, skid row, tegan and sarah, the cure.. gone. michael jackson music videos.. GONE!
that ipod had in it my music from almost five years ago! the crappy music that i listened to when i was 17 was there - i dont feel so bad after all.

i always thought that people my age wont like my choice of music. back in elementary, all the girls in my class were gaga over the back street boys, i like them too - until now, but at that time i listened to spandau ballet and fra lippo lippi.

i use to think that im the only person who know all my favorite songs, and if someone i know happens to also know a song i like, i'd say she heard it from me OR i'll just stop liking that song. people like that are annoying - yes, im annoying! like the song was exclusively written for me and others are not allowed to like it? but seriously, i stopped liking reggae when punk rocker kids start wearing che guevarra shirts and relating him to ska. ano daw!? akala ata nila sa bob marley yun. nalito na rin pati ako.

i really miss jack johnsons voice, all i have here are new songs from black eyed peas, t-pain and cobra starship - danceable but not ME. on the positive note, i have most of my music in CDs. rip na lang pag-sinipag.

anyway, whats in your playlist?

like.. icebreaker!

2010-01-19T18:28:00.004+08:00

everytime i enter toby's sports i always tell myself "i can live here!" or "i wish my house is like this.."

anyway, im looking for good running shoes. im running after derek ramsey next month! ha!

i just have this question - if you can live in a store which store will it be and why?

nabasa ko na

2010-01-15T04:05:00.001+08:00

FACT : lack of sleep will kill you faster than starvation.

stop nagging me! i just cant sleep when im supposed to. like now, its 4AM - im a little sleepy but im sure that if i lay down im going to be staring at the ceiling for another 2 hours.

tea, hot milk and a banana, writing and reading never help. i have so much going on up here. (i know it doesnt show because i dont even have something good to write about) but seriously, if i have someone NOT annoying to talk to, we can talk for days!

by the way, "si Manny Villar ang magtatapos ng ating kahirapan" is stuck in my head! bad LSS..

oh dear! one year!

2010-01-10T23:59:00.003+08:00

yup! 70 crappy posts later and then - blog anniversary!

after a year of ranting, complaining, whining, sarcasm and venting my anger on the web i've decided to.. well as always im undecided.

i sincerely thank everyone who came across my writings, those who i came to interact with in the comments section - which i always look forward of reading and answer with pure joy. the blogs that i read - i feel like i've met the coolest people through reading your posts and looking at photos you took. i look up to all of you!

celebrate what you want to see more of - so im heading to mcdonalds to celebrate!

back to school promo

2010-01-08T00:01:00.002+08:00

as part of celebrating my blogs first birthday, im giving rej and yuli each a copy of -

rej and yuli, please comment with your complete name and mailing address (ill send it through fedex or lbc or dhl or something - i wont publish your address). thank you for being the coolest readers! :)

it's a wrap!

2009-12-31T00:45:00.005+08:00

i cant believe im writing my last non-sense post for 2009.

im really happy 2009 is over - this year was tough though im sure that what i went through is pretty much just shit compared to those hit by all the natural calamities, what i experienced this year was almost more than i can take - emotionally. one day i was like - "oh, psycho ward, here i come!"

i hope i didnt scare you.

im so happy im not in high school too! im sure teachers will be asking them "what is your new years resolution? essay! 400 words!"

i only wish everyone has the same new years resolution which is to go green!

2010! lets do this!

new bills

2009-12-29T02:47:00.003+08:00

i still have 4 more presents to give away. 3 of my godchildren didnt show up - this year that im most prepared. i actually went shopping and wrap the gifts myself. see, i learned that children, well, most of them want toys for christmas, some of them dont even want to take the money but gets so excited when handed a present.

dont you want to be a kid again - specially this time of the year!? - puro ka patanggap, you dont have to worry about giving. you can go caroling on the same houses EVERYDAY and only know one song!

childrens party ang christmas. birthday party ni jesus. i cant imagine christmas with out kids singing and running around, playing with their new toys, counting their crisp 20's. im blessed to be surrounded with cousins i cant even count, 12 godchildren and of course my kids.

having all of them around is crazy! you know kids are funny even if they're not trying. that's another reason why i love the holidays, no school and the children are around to annoy me - haha! or the other way around. example:

i asked my 6year old cousin what does he want for christmas since im his ninang too, "remote control" he quipped. i knew he was talking about a remote control car but i wrapped our remote control for the tv instead. - what? you didnt say "car".

be nice

2009-12-20T22:44:00.003+08:00

im traumatized by how heavy the traffic is, anywhere.

go christmas shopping on september next year!

happy = ...

2009-12-11T23:41:00.006+08:00

6 months ago my best friend rose was going over and over about this guy shes seeing. i had to meet him to make sure hes not another jerk who'll hurt her again. i planned a dinner for the 4 of us, me, the happy couple and emmy,our gay best friend.

hes a hunk! broad shoulders, taller than i am, moreno, has a very charming smile and liked my cooking - so i liked him. which was new because i never really liked anyone that she dated. haha!:)

but all that emmy said was - "ewan ko,parang malansa.." as if we're judging a fish.

at times that they'd come over, me and the 'guy' ends up talking more than me and my best friends. hes very refreshing, not like another guys where the topic is very limited. well, there are so many reasons why he seems to be very at ease with girls and gays. well, 1) hes open-minded 2) he has a lot of sisters 3) hes been in a lot of relationships 4) hes just trying very hard to please us OR 5)hes gay - which i easily disregarded because hes just not, i dont see it.

BUT one day, not after a fight, nothing went wrong - he just decided to break it off with her and the next thing she knew hes with someone else. not a mistress, more like a mister!

i was wrong, the only guy i liked for my best friend is gay. the guy that made her happy again after so many bad relationships left her for a man. shocked of him coming out of the closet like that i am also surprised with my friends reaction. she said that for a long time she was bitter, imagining her man with another woman, thinking of the reasons on why he suddenly left her, thinking what she did wrong but when she heard the news that he was gay, she was relieved and felt like she love him more.

to you: i remember that i told you about this thing that i do. maybe, one of these days you'll read this. i would like to say that im happy that you decided to let the real you shine through. im still your friend and we love you!

tik.. tok.. tik.. tok..

2009-12-09T10:14:00.003+08:00

1. Disengage.
This also applies to transformers and voltage regulators. When left plugged or on standby, your home appliances are still using energy – and that’s energy you pay for that benefits no one. Hitting that power button and unplugging your appliances when not in use saves you roughly P2300 a year.

2. Whip out the clothesline.
Forego the clothes dryer and hang your laundry out in the sun to dry instead. Clothes dryers average 1,600 watts of energy per hour, so if you wash and dry your clothes every two weeks, that computes to around P120 slashed off your monthly electric bill.

3. Eat everything on your plate.
Or at least just take, cook or buy only as much food as you can finish. Uneaten food that goes straight to the garbage adds to the trash you produce, and when you reduce food waste you automatically decrease your carbon emissions.

4. Check your tire pressure constantly.
Optimal tire pressure helps your car burn fuel more efficiently. If you own a car and are looking to get more mileage from your vehicle, keeping your tires inflated right hits two birds with one stone – it reduces your carbon emissions while giving you more value for money.

5. Keep a close watch on your air filter.
Score another one for the motorists: replacing or cleaning out your air filters also helps your use your fuel more efficiently. You can have this done along with your tire pressure adjustments whenever you have your oil changed.

6. Better yet, travel on two wheels, or on your own two feet.
Walking or biking beats a fuel efficient vehicle every time. Because neither mode of transport requires the burning of fossil fuels, choosing the heel over the steering wheel is the best way to cut back on carbon while still getting to your destination.

7. The matter of meat.
Most Pinoys love eating meat so much that it’s a non-negotiable, even when it comes to climate advocacy. However, the slightest reduction in meat consumption can still impact your total carbon emission, so for every week, make at least 3 to 5 meals meat-less. Remember, a little effort goes a long way!

8. Spare the pulp.
Rain-forests are Mother Nature’s very own carbon dioxide regulating systems. Without their gallant stewardship, we wouldn’t be here today! We need to keep them alive and flourishing if we want to stay in the game. So be it tissue, a note pad, office documents, paper coffee cups, or store paper bags, think twice – there is always an alternative to paper!

9. Lighten up.
You’ve probably deduced by now that the more fuel or energy efficient you are, the less carbon dioxide emissions you make. The same rule stands for lighting – fluorescent bulbs trump incandescent bulbs every time, which is win-win for everyone since it’s both carbon and cost efficient.

10. Shop wisely.
On your grocery or mall run, bring a sizable canvas tote and stash everything you buy inside. This saves you and the businesses you support on plastic bags. This habit not only reduces your waste but also lessens the need for production of problematic plastic.

http://tiktokpilipinas.com/tok/
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Tiktok-Pilipinas/134140254027
http://twitter.com/tiktokpilipinas

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle.-

2009-12-08T02:43:00.001+08:00

-But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
-Marilyn Monroe

i really should be doing this on twitter. :(

2009-12-06T23:34:00.001+08:00

"it's only after you've lost everything, that you're free to do anything."

goodnight world!

looking for alaska

2009-12-05T01:43:00.001+08:00

received at the right time

2009-12-03T01:17:00.003+08:00

text message:

consider this:

if you have food, clothes and a home, you are richer than 75% of the world.

if you have money in the bank, you are among the top 8 of the worlds wealthy.

if you woke up healthy this morning, you are more blessed than the million out there who will not survive this week.

if you experienced peace and freedom, you are ahead of 500million people in the world.

and if you can read this, you are more blessed than over 2billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

wont you thank god for what you have?

2009-12-02T01:15:00.004+08:00

its my cousins birthday today.

over dinner,we were planning on what to prepare for him when he suddenly said - "i dont want to turn 6, i want to be 5 forever!"

how many kids who are only turning six could've thought of that? seriously.

breaking up!

2009-11-09T23:44:00.004+08:00

- which is the situation that im not in.

i know its bad but i get excited when people are breaking up. well not excited-happy about it but excited to see whats really going to happen.

maybe im just jealous of the feeling, 'cause i was never in that position. maybe im jealous that you can be miserable for a while 'cause someone decided to leave you and people totally understood you. maybe im jealous because when you are in that phase everyone worries, friends watch what they are saying because it might hurt you-because you are so damn fragile. maybe, but im pretty sure im wrong! haha!

well, having alot of friends who were broken up with, was cheated on, who broke up and got back together, who broke up but remained friends, who broke up and cannot be friends. i can tell you that its more than that break up movie "one more chance".

here are things that i've noticed:

you dont want to be friends with an eX specially when you have common friends. you dont want to deal with that. siguradong pulutan kayo pag talikod nyo. friends will always compare whose present is hotter, they will bet on who will break up first plus you are putting your present in a very bad and embarrassing position. she or he will always feel judged.

end a relationship as soon as violence starts. he will hit you again!

no one ever forget infidelity. yourself and being together will be the constant reminder of what the other did. you can forgive but you will never forget how you were played. this i know for sure, that once you know that your partner cheated on you, you can never love the other the same way. it lessens everything. love, respect and trust.

those who seek for advice never listen. so next counseling session you can tell him "i told you so".

girls that are easy to get will be easy to loose. hope that she'll be easy to forget. advice: kaya tiyagain mo 'yung mga pakipot at yung mga nagpapaligaw sa bahay. pick a girl who knows herself. yung ginagalang muna ang sarili nya. yung legal na mag boyfriend.

courting is just a phase. he will treat you differently when you become his girl, more differently when you are counting years into the relationship and hopefully not terribly when you're his wife. courting is his chance to make a good impression, to show you his good side ( but what about the other side?) - so dont expect that he'd be bringing you flowers just because he felt like it when courting is over!

have a break. give yourself more time before you barge into another relationship. absorb then heal. a broken heart doesnt love more. you'll only end up hurting the rebound person.

oh my heart..

2009-11-05T01:47:00.001+08:00

you might just get it

2009-10-26T22:05:00.003+08:00

saw a girl today, teenage, high school, in her uniform but with hair put up in a messy bun, like you do to your hair when you just woke up, complete make-up and stilettos. i dont know if shes going to school or to an early halloween party dressed as a kinky student.

generation what? i dont even want to get there. kids nowadays start early.

they want to smoke and drink,they fall in love at 12 and think no one understands them, they withdraw and think that their shit head friends are the only ones who love them. how emo!?

they dont get it. there is nothing fun in being an A-dult. well there are some but ask them, they'd prefer to be you! young and full of chances to make it right. no bills to pay, no boring ass job. bet they'd kill to be students again. well physically, the reasons are pretty obvious. when you become an A-dult. you're going to pay to get your boobs back up, wrinkles erased and beer belly tucked or just live with it. i told you its sad. kaya nga may mga isip-bata e, they never want to leave that stage - ; )

im 21 and in control of my life. i love the freedom! but i swear there are times that i just want to hand my life back to my mother.

notting hill on HBO

2009-10-19T02:07:00.007+08:00

"surreal but nice.."

what is wrong with you!?

2009-10-16T00:17:00.006+08:00

naasar lang ako manood ng balita. lalo na during and after ondoy.

kanina pinapakita nila ang kalagayan ng mga tao sa mga evacuation centers. nakakalungkot. mga bata at matandang naghihintay na lang ng dadating na relief, natutulog sa sahig ng covered court na hindi na talaga mahulugan ng karayom. nakakaawa, sila pang mga walang ibang kamag-anak at kaibigan na matutuluyan pansamantala, sila pa na walang pera para rumenta ng kwarto o mag-hotel ang biniktima.

hindi sa pagmamaliki na mabait ako o maawain pero kahit no aglalaway na kong kumain ng cheeseburger, hindi ko magawa. naiisip ko ung ibang hindi kumakain, ung hindi naabot ng relief. ang hirap manood lang ng balita, panoorin yung mga nahihirapan na kahit alam mong nagbigay ka, hindi pa rin yun sapat.

may mga reporters nagbabalita na sa lugar na kinalalagyan nila, hindi daw naabot ng tulong. hello! ate! anong ginagawa mo dyan!? sana nung pagpunta mo dyan may dala ka man lang kahit 20 bags ng relief goods na ipinagmamalaki ng network ninyo?! instead of asking these poor people how they feel which is the stupedest question you can ask to a calamity stricken family who sleep on their roofs and havent eaten for more than a day.. why not ask them what they need or what you can do to help.

may mga evactuation centers na nag seset-up pa ng tents, para daw magkaroon ng privacy ung mga mag-asawa. like what the f***! sinong henyo ang nakaisip nun!? bakit hindi natin ilaan yang mga special tents na yan sa mga matatanda na hindi kayang tiisin ang sobrang init at ingay. sa mga sanggol at bata na kailangan makatulog ng maayos. sa mga may sakit. ang kapal din ng mga mukha ng mga magasawang magsesex pa sa mga evacuation tents. nasa mood pa sila?

nagbigay tayo ng tulong na nakalagay sa plastic bag - na pinaka mababaw na dahilan kung bakit nagbabaha. ironic.

facebuko.com

2009-10-13T00:35:00.002+08:00

i cant stop laughing..

talking in circles

2009-10-05T00:58:00.004+08:00

did you know that i didnt talk to my father for years? ..you dont? ..why didn't i tell you that?

it wasnt easy even if he is far. but i gave up and greeted him for fathers day this year. he cried.

did you ever had that time, that moment when you really want to say something but you are waiting for something. a sign? right time, place or even just a chance to actually say it.. (?)

in my fathers case i waited to be a parent. anytime is the perfect time to forgive but no - i made it hard for him and harder for my self. i will hold my phone for hours, staring at it but never dial a number. i would practice what to say and imagine what will he say back. i wrote letters but never end up sending them.

but that day when i finally had the courage to call and speak up, i didnt have to. i was instantly forgiven. i didnt have to apologize. my "hello" was enough.

but today was worst. about 2seconds before i say something to my husband - he fell asleep. and i was not going to ask for money or anything. what im about to say was good.

lesson learned : im telling you! dont wait 8 years and dont wait for a sign either. say it! specially when its i love you, sorry and thank you.

kahit sino pwede - tumulong

2009-09-28T01:38:00.002+08:00

ill make my 50th post even more sensible..

2009-09-26T02:07:00.006+08:00

- im thinking of moving to tumblr. what do you think? if i could just convince everybody to move with me! :) like i did when all of them ditched friendster and signed up for facebook. i think tumblr suits me more because im lazy.

- a korean video top the MYX hit chart. i dont understand a thing they are saying but they are delightful to watch.

- why didn't i use the word hiatus when i was gone? i didnt make a post about it and say when ill be back. trivia: 3 of the blogs i visit used the word hiatus. they all have this post titled "hiatus". i dont know, they all just decided to go on a vacation around the same time. weird.

- typhoons must love the Philippines. they love it.

- im a twitter stalker. i get giddy whenever i read demi and ashton tweets. especially this one:

"Happy anniversary @mrskutcher I'm not sure why we keep track of years in relation 2 an infinite love. But tradition wins 2day."

does that really happen?

2009-09-20T23:50:00.003+08:00

you're so in love.
you marry.
you live together.
you discover that life is hard.
you have kids.
life gets difficult.
work hard.
cant talk.
spend less time together.
fight often.
dont want to talk.
bicker.
ignore.
argue.
you fall out of love.
you wait.
you hurt.
you think.
you leave.

ang pagmamahal naging takot, sa katagalan nagiging awa, at pag nagtagal pa lalo nagiging galit.

i've seen couples separate. married people divorce. they grow apart, they sometimes discover things about their partner that they can never live with. some find excuses. some simply just cant commit. theres violence and infidelity that you become blind to when you are madly in love.

if everything that start must end .. does that include love?

go kanye! go home..

2009-09-18T01:17:00.001+08:00

heard kanye west just interrupted patrick swayzes funeral to tell everybody that michael jacksons was better..

bye johnny..

2009-09-15T12:08:00.003+08:00

"If I leave this Earth, I want to leave this Earth just knowing I've tried to give something back and tried to do something worthwhile with myself."

-Patrick Swayze

yellow submarine

2009-09-14T23:02:00.004+08:00

filipinos really need to make this 2010 election count..

noynoy aquino is a senator - who stood up for what? aside from being the only son of heroes ninoy and cory - what do we know about him?

i know alot of people love kris but - come on!!

tell them

2009-06-17T17:03:00.002+08:00

dear ellesig,

you are ignoring me for quite awhile and i cant stand it.

you are a very bad owner.

i know the weather is making you lazier than you already are but you have to update me or else ill tell them that..

ill tell them that you got braces and i think you are too old for them.. haha!

ill tell them that you've been doing stupid stuffs such as sleeping so early and waking up at around 1am, blowing up your home theater system, watching the same movie 3 times in a row (1. watch it. 2. subtitle on. 3. commentary on.). like who does that!?!

i know you are as boring as ever but you're gonna have to share, no matter how boring because you know they are used to it and they love you anyway. :')

jealous of your facebook,
your blog!

fiesta sa tanauan

2009-06-08T00:16:00.007+08:00

in a town fiesta..

theres always..

food and drinks..

parading queens..

fund raising drag queens..

and victims..

whataword

2009-05-21T03:01:00.003+08:00

blogorrhea - (noun) to write a blog entry for the sake of posting something since you haven't done anything interesting lately.

use it in a sentence!

me lately

2009-05-15T01:35:00.006+08:00

im not in the mood to sleep. ive been putting my eyes to work. none of the things i did bore me enough to lull me to sleep.

this is technically my may 1st in the blogging world. whatever.. you understand what im trying to say.

vacation is so over.

so heres me lately..

i saw one of the dancers in wowowee at the grocery store a week ago. shes cute and short and got multicolored hair.
im becoming this savvy grocery shopper ; its funny. its a great alternative for shopping because you are not actually shopping but still shopping. :)

can i ask you something? where did summer go? why is sun all moody and stuff?

i signed up for twitter and followed all this cool people. rob thomas, nicole richie, miley cyrus, chris brown and the kardashians. im not even sure if its really them but what the hell. i thought they hated stalkers? twitter and plurk are so stalker friendly. so i was reading what all of them is twitting about hoping to see rihannas twitter in chris browns account and suddenly -- guess who is on twitter? -- barrack obama! and that was it.. after almost an hour of sheer shock or sometimes delight on finding out who uses this service, i deleted my twitter account.

i still watch grey's anatomy and often wonder why i didnt want to be a doctor as a kid. doctors are so cool! i wanted to be a pilot - in case you're asking.

and i almost forgot, happy mothers day to all the moms out there. everyday should be mothers day! what did you all got for your moms? wonder what manny pacquiao got for his mother?

my lolo turned 89! 89! eighty nine!

we call him 'mamay'. he smokes and drinks. sino bang batanggenyo ang hindi bumabarik! namimitas pa yan ng chico at nagbabalag ng patani. siya rin ang pinaka magaling magluto ng kapeng barako! at hanggang ngayong sweet na sweet parin sila ni lola!

grabe, 89!

dadating din tayo jan 69 years pa. :)

excuse letter

2009-04-21T22:51:00.005+08:00

dear you,

sorry if my blog totally lived up to its description.

last week has been tough.

i was so good at hiding my emotions. i can still smile when im mad and laugh when im annoyed. i can always cry later,when no one is around. im often calm and collected but shattered inside.

ino was our clown. i still cant believe hes gone and im talking about him in past tense.
things would have been easier to accept if it was gods will for him to go. after a year of not hearing from friends the last news you would want to know is that one of them committed suicide. its always like "james got a tattoo" or some couple broke up and somebody got a car but never about death.

we were all too late. maybe he felt hopeless and forgotten. he must have been tired. he must have been so sad and we weren't there.

praying for his soul leaves me in a daze. i cry when im reminded of him. i constantly shake my head, never wanting to believe. im mad, im upset, im sad and i cant hide it.

i dont know if its bravery to face death or fear of living. so many people are fighting for their lives,battling sickness and shit and others just want to end it. some thinks of jumping from a bridge or slitting their wrists when just the thought of dying scares me already.

but then its good to be scared, "it means you still got something to lose"

2009-04-14T22:50:00.005+08:00

avelino 'yno' reyes jr.

may 12 1989 - april 8 2009

malamang walang alak diyan..

shes up..

2009-04-07T18:36:00.005+08:00

have you heard of the saying "strike while the iron is hot"?

its not related to this. :)

after weeks of not blogging i feel like i have lost my touch - if i ever had it with this.

about this <<, someone told me to just try and turn it on, not hoping for anything because the last time i did, the speakers almost blew up. so i did and its there .. as if nothing happened. the letter m is not really working and some letters just appear without me touching them. creepy. but other than that its fine.

i wasn't so happy -- all i said was what now!?

so.. what did i miss?

2009-03-30T22:25:00.002+08:00

"whats the use of being a genius if you cant use it as reason for being unemployed"

and i was like..

"i know right.."

update update

2009-03-23T14:32:00.003+08:00

my laptop got so drunk.
i dont know when she'll wake up. :(

ill take her to gilmore. (or greenhills, i dont know, wherever is cheaper.)
we'll be gilmore girls. :)

now im back with desktop. which i so much cooler for writing. haha!

at times when i want to blog but i cant:

i paint my nails black.

watch nickelodeon.

sleep in the playpen with my daughter.

think of selling some of my things.
na parang adik.
ipod. shoes. perfumes.
ill make another post about that.

volunteered to make loot bags for my cousins 1st birthday.
suggestions on what to put in them are very welcome.

imagine flicking cigarettes.
im not even trying to smoke now that im super bored.
im so proud of myself.

no use crying over spilled milk

2009-03-19T07:17:00.003+08:00

pero kung sa laptop mo natapon, sige iyak ka lang.

i know, stupid me.

dinala ko nga sa 2 sony centers, (trinoma and quezon ave.) they wouldnt even touch the poor thing. hindi daw kasi dito binili. siguro greenhills na lang pagasa ko.

baloy beach - subic

2009-03-15T10:31:00.019+08:00

1 am

: pabili ng redbull sa stopover..
: bakit ka iinom ng redbull?
: hindi pa ko natutulog e, ayaw ko matulog sa byahe..
: dapat blade saka calamansi ipabili mo..

my poor attempts to be like dong ho and chico garcia with a 6mp camera. :)

what do you see?

jessica, jm, cj, kyle and gabby! the time stamps are wrong. i dont know how to hide it.

the sand is obviously not white pero ayos na para sa mga sabik sa dagat. :)

who man-s!?

2009-03-11T23:46:00.005+08:00

i should plurk? for brighter days..

but please not hotter days!

i feel like jumping into a pool of iced water.

it amazes me how you can be perfectly still and still sweat. --then you are too lazy to stand up and get a drink 'cause you'll sweat even more and you'll end up dehydrated.

and irritated.

and the last thing you want to hear is..

"oh, cool ka lang!"

mar-cha!

2009-03-04T18:54:00.002+08:00

kaya pala kadalasan march ang mga graduation. --nye..!

impyerno nanaman dito sa pinas.

mababawasan ang intake ng kape.

mas madalas maliligo! -- ang pagligo nung mga nakaraang buwan ay pagsubok. --aminin.

at dahil bakasyon na mas marami na kong maaayang maglagalag dahil wala na silang mga pasok -- problema lang e, wala rin silang mga pera.

random facts about me -- who cares!?!

2009-02-09T00:37:00.008+08:00

for the spirit of gayahan!

honestly, every blog i read lately has this. sometimes 10 things you should know about me. 7 random facts about me, 9, 15? 2? 4 would be nice. superbianca gave out 25.

my favorite number is 8 (so i will let you know 8 things about me, i have 7 more) because you can draw a cat from it! just add eyes, ears and a tail.

this is hard! haha! im not enjoying! haha! you cant really say that "hey! im a loser!" or "i can do alot of ripley's believe it or not shit" unless you want to freak people out with your bluntness.

i play the guitar.

when i was young, playmates refer to me as lavinia. the mean girl from the cartoon/tv series/movie princess sarah. so that makes them the princess sarah! haha! i dont get why those ugly, stupid girls said that!? i was dead nice to them! :P

i cant eat anything with calamansi in it.

im a rusher! i love chico and delle!

i cut classes in high school. just on math, i don't understand a thing so why waste time sitting there. i wasted time sitting in the cafeteria instead.

im an only daughter -- of a broken couple.

saranggola sa ulan - gary granada

2009-02-05T12:37:00.002+08:00

Naririnig ko pa, ang bawat hagikhik ng una kong sinta at kalarong paslit
At ang sabi ng matatanda, siya ay maalwan ako’y dukha
Di raw kami bagay at kayraming dahilan, ngunit si bakekang ay walang pakialam
Sa aming kamusmusan kayraming palaisipan, ngunit tatlong bagay ang aking natutunan
Ang pag-asa’y walang hanggan,
pag-ibig ay walang hadlang at lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan

At kung ang pagsinta ay di man nagtagal, ang mas mahalaga natutong magmahal
Umibig ng walang panghihinayang, kahit malamang na masaktan
Kanina lang saking tabi, may aleng lumiko, at sa pagmamadali nasagi ang aking puso
Heto na naman ako sa 'king kabaliwan na sinasabi nga nilang “suntok sa buwan”
Ngunit hindi hihindian ng tulad kong natuto nang magpalipad ng saranggola sa ulan

Gaya ng lagi’t laging sinasabi ko o siyanawa ay siyananga ang totoo
Heto na naman ako sa king kabaliwan na sinasabi nga nilang “suntok sa buwan”
Ngunit hindi hihindian ng tulad kong natuto nang magpalipad ng saranggola sa ulan

Heto ako’t tumatandang nakahandang panindigan ang bato sa tubig ay lulutang
At lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan.

-- kay tagal kong hinanap ang kantang yan mula ng marinig kong kinanta ni jimmy bondoc sa sabado boys! napakahusay ni gary granada!

i'm back! -- who cares!

2009-02-04T09:40:00.004+08:00

hi readers! (haha!)
if i have any.. --feeling.. assuming..

okay, time for a real post.

i was at starbucks last time to check my mail, pinutol kasi ni smartbro connection namin. its my first visit this year and i have to say that i didn't enjoy it. i don't know, i use to be a sucker for that kind of thing but now i feel that its just stupid to waste that much money on coffee. naisip ko, 20 pieces na diaper na yon ng anak ko. you have to admit that their coffee is way too expensive! plus their wi-fi suck!

before id finish a tall cafe latte while doing my thing on my sony vaio or sometimes reading my magazines looking all rich,chat with my smoking friends who thinks that smoking at starbucks will make smoking or them any better, talk to the barista in english and have a venti strawberries and cream frap to go. boy, i was preppy-- and stupid.

i use to go every night during decembers for a planner and i did that for 3 years! it was gratifying. now i find it embarrassing.

my last visit was the time to wake up from my western wonderland.

not that i hate it now. maybe because i use to have so much time to waste and a little more money to spend on luxurious things. now i cant afford to waste my time on sipping my coffee very slowly so i can prolong my stay at this fab coffeehouse waiting for someone to notice me. na tumatambay ako sa starbucks. uy! big time! haha! bob ong wrote something about filipinos like that. dying to be western.

sabi nga ni bob ong kung sino man ang nag-franchise ng mga coffee shop dito sa pinas e kilalang-kilala ang mga pinoy. coffee shops are more of a comfort zone. its nice to get pampered and to feel that you are being served, that you are important once in a while. it is more of an escape from the chaos outside. so sinong pinoy ang hindi mahuhumaling?

i cant do that anymore! -- so i bought a coffee maker, and ground coffee beans from starbucks and voila! sosyal at home! hehe! the coffee itself is what i love anyway!

hindi ko maintindihan ang position ko dito. im torn between my coffee and my money! :) nagkukuripot lang pala.

2009-02-04T02:01:00.002+08:00

"ang totoo, hindi dapat kinakahiya, ang nakakahiya, hindi dapat ginagawa"

2009-01-22T21:59:00.001+08:00

"the brave may not live forever but the cautious does not live at all"

2009-01-13T20:43:00.002+08:00

"life is not about how many breaths you take,
but the moments that take your breath away"

-hitch

the music coming from the house

2009-01-12T23:54:00.000+08:00

this is a story shared by paulo coelho through his enewsletter last christmas season.
i was deeply moved by the story and i like to share it with you. here goes:

The music coming from the house

Paulo Coelho

On Christmas Eve, the king invited the prime minister to join him for their usual walk together. He enjoyed seeing the decorations in the streets, but since he didn’t want his subjects to spend too much money on these just to please him, the two men always disguised themselves as traders from some far distant land.
They walked through the centre of the city, admiring the lights, the Christmas trees, the candles burning on the steps of the houses, the stalls selling gifts, and the men, women and children hurrying off to celebrate a family Christmas around a table laden with food.
On the way back, they passed through a poorer area, where the atmosphere was quite different. There were no lights, no candles, no delicious smells of food about to be served. There was hardly a soul in the street, and, as he did every year, the king remarked to the prime minister that he really must pay more attention to the poor in his kingdom. The prime minister nodded, knowing that the matter would soon be forgotten again, buried beneath the day-to-day bureaucracy of budgets to be approved and discussions with foreign dignitaries.
Suddenly, they heard music coming from one of the poorest houses. The hut was so ramshackle and the rotten wooden timbers so full of cracks, that they were able to peer through and see what was happening inside. And what they saw was utterly absurd: an old man in a wheelchair apparently crying, a shaven-headed young woman dancing, and a young man with sad eyes shaking a tambourine and singing a folk song.
‘I’m going to find out what they’re up to,’ said the king.
He knocked. The music stopped, and the young man came to the door.
‘We are merchants in search of a place to sleep. We heard the music, saw that you were still awake, and wondered if we could spend the night here.’
‘You can find shelter in a hotel in the city. We, alas, cannot help you. Despite the music, this house is full of sadness and suffering.’
‘And may we know why?’
‘It’s all because of me.’ It was the old man in the wheelchair who spoke. ‘I’ve spent my life teaching my son calligraphy, so that he could one day get a job as a palace scribe. But the years have passed and no post has ever come up. And then, last night, I had a stupid dream: an angel appeared to me and asked me to buy a silver goblet because, the angel said, the king would be coming to visit me. He would drink from the goblet and give my son a job.
‘The angel was so persuasive that I decided to do as he said. Since we have no money, my daughter-in-law went to the market this morning to sell her hair so that we could buy that goblet over there. The two of them are doing their best to get me in the Christmas spirit by singing and dancing, but it’s no use.’
The king saw the silver goblet, asked to be given a little water to quench his thirst and, before leaving, said to the family:
‘Do you know, we were talking to the prime minister only today, and he told us that an opening for a palace scribe would be announced next week.’
The old man nodded, not really believing what he was hearing, and bade farewell to the strangers. The following morning, however, a royal proclamation was read out in all the city streets; a new scribe was needed at court. On the appointed day, the audience room at the palace was packed with people eager to compete for that much-sought-after post. The prime minister entered and asked everyone there to prepare their paper and pens:
‘Here is the subject of the composition: Why is an old man weeping, a shaven-headed woman dancing, and a sad young man singing?’
A murmur of disbelief went round the room. No one knew how to tell such a story, apart, that is, from the shabbily dressed young man sitting in one corner, who smiled broadly and began to write.

Based on an Indian story.

Translated from the Portuguese by Margaret Jull Costa

my view

2009-01-11T16:30:00.000+08:00

sa likod ng bahay sa batangas. ang mt. makiling na tanaw mula sa paliparan. paglubog ng araw sa bukid.

above me. (top left - clockwise) cotton candy clouds in batangas. view from a cab in katipunan. look for the witch. afternoon sky from my window, look for a face.

i'm not ready to die -- not yet

2009-01-11T01:33:00.001+08:00

today started out as okay.

my daughter wakes me up by crawling over me or pulling my hair which causes me to smile even before i open my eyes.

we did our morning drill. bath. sleep. eat and play.

at times when i have to go grocery shopping,which i did today. i leave her to her lola who is very fond of her. i don't worry much when i'm away because i know she's with people who care as mush as i do.

i'm with my cousin, jessica in this supermarket in landmark that i'm not familiar with but its better than the one i use to go to. they have long aisles that took most of my time so i'm out long enough to really miss my baby.

on our way home, i tried to call my tita to check on my girl and tell her that we'll be home shortly if there is no traffic but my phone just shut off. i told my cousin to just text them and ask how my daughter is doing. they replied that she wouldn't take her milk and wont stop crying.
good thing the driver isn't old, he drives like he is being chased. i'm cool with it at that time.

then suddenly my cousins companion asked what date it is as if something important just happened or will happen. i knew the answer i'm just not in the mood to speak. then they decided to drop by this liquor store like it cant wait. they are walking too slow which never really bothered me before.

i went from worried to paranoid.

minutes after that we are in front of a shoot out that appeared to be a road accident from afar. i thought a tire popped or something but it was a gun shot.

its impossible to go through having cars piled in the middle of the street with its doors open as if the passengers just strike out. then men with guns, long firearms shooting at a guy in motorcycle not too far from us. we couldn't tell if there were any cops. madmen in jackets with guns is all i see and im just seeing, not thinking -- i can't.

i wanted to just run, get out of the car and just get home.

i thought of one person, my daughter who probably felt her mother isn't in the best condition.

we passed 2 dead bodies that night.

and just then, knowing that we are safe, i broke down in tears. i couldn't even talk. i was terrified. it could have been anybody.

we got home, i get to hold my little girl again. thank GOD.

i embraced her and told her i love her as i always do even if she can't say i love you back, even if she can't understand yet.

paranoia attacks

2009-01-11T00:52:00.001+08:00

nag taxi ako this morning from robinsons to our home.

taxi driver: saan po kayo?
ako: mindanao ave. lang po.
taxi driver: tsk! (ganyan sa mga comics diba..) ang layo! (nagkamot pa ng ulo)
magkano bigay nyo dun?
ako: metro. pero hindi naman po ako ngbabayad ng sakto lalo na kung mabait yung driver.

alam nyang hindi sya mabait kaya siguro natigilan sya.
kahit bawal mangontrata, iniintindi ko yung mga driver na gumagawa ng ganon. marami silang pwedeng idahilan:

-pagmalakas ang ulan
-kung baha sa dadaanan
-kung panglimahan lang ang taxi at anim kayo
-kung mataba ka,tipong in danger ang taxi nya.
-kung marami kang dala
-kung my dala kang pet
-kung laging traffic sa dadaanan

napakadami kaso sya wala,bastos pa na akala mo uutangin ko sa kanya ung pinatak ng metro, na parang hindi ko sya babayaran.
nagpaikot-ikot sya sa kadahilanang pagiwas sa traffic daw na hindi ko naman nakikita and now im starting to bore myself and i bet you are too. (wala e.. gusto ko talaga ikwento..)

basta, that driver was a real asshole. 217.50 lang yung metro,kung hindi sya nagpaikot-ikot baka nga 150 lang e, binigyan ko ng 250 hindi pa natuwa, 300 pa gusto. kung sinabi nya ng maayos baka ibigay ko pa kaso ang sabi "gawin mong 300! wala pang bente dinagdag mo".

gusto ko syang murahin e, sabi ko na lang -- "grabe kayo manong, irereport ko kayo" , sabay takbo.

bawat pisong ginagastos ko sa araw-araw ay pinagpapaguran ng asawa ko (haha..) gusto kong siguraduhin na sa maayos mapupunta, sa talagang may kailangan.
merong mga waitress, barbero at mababait na taxi driver na bigyan mo ng tip na 20php ay masaya na.
merong isang beses na sumakay ako ng taxi na may mabait na driver, kinukwento nya ang pamilya nya at kung pano nila pinagkakasya maliit na kita nya. (ung mga panahon na sobrang mahal ng gasolina at bigas) binigyan ko ng tip na 50php, tuwang-tuwa na sya. binugbog ako ng "salamat ma'am". i could have given him more if i had more money.
but this ungrateful jerk, bibigyan na ng 30php hindi pa natuwa. saan ka pupulot ng 30 ngayon?

dapat pala binigyan ko sya ng saktong 217.50php at ipinang load yung 32.50php para hindi sumama loob ko.

buti na lang may blog ako.

bakit paranoia: takot ako e, alam nya bahay ko.

lucky number 1!

2009-01-10T23:57:00.001+08:00

i sold marbles as a kid. jolen o holen, marble sa mga konyong bata.that was my 1st business.

my first phone was a nokia3310.

my first guitar was an ugly, sucky, finger slicing, inaamag na red donjon. nauupuan ng tito ko,nabali. i have a new baby now, a taylor bigbaby na maraming nagnanasa.

my 1st year in HS was bittersweet. (chocolate!) bitter kasi nangangain ng bata ung algebra teacher namin, sweet kasi pa-sweet pa ‘ko nun.

1st kiss ko, wholesome naman so i can share it. it was quick and dry. see, completely HS.

my 1st climb was mt. banahaw ng quezon.

1st word ko, malamang 'mama' or 'dede'. tatanong ko sa nanay ko pag nagkita kami.

1st movie na napanood sa sine eh ung rubberman ni sir master michael v.

1st crush ko, bigla naman ako nagblush, (pilitin mo ko.. sige na nga..) --janus del prado. (hihimatayin ata ako..)

1st romance (whoo.. steamy..) ung bato sa banahaw! kailangan romansahin, kung hindi, mahuhulog ka sa bangin.

ito, unang post sa, siguro pang6 kong blog. hindi naman din kasi malayo ang nararating ko sa pagbablog before. mga 4 posts lang tinatamad na ko. (kasi walang nagkocomment.. haha.. pulubi) pero ngayon i doesn't matter if someone will read or even notice this blog. (if you do,lucky you!)

i will keep this blog for me.
no matter how cheesy.

blog, you will be my new bff! (weird..)